


My Fault

by Mission_ARS



Series: Truth and Lies [1]
Category: One Direction
Genre: Angst, Death, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Niall-centric, Other, Prison, Rape, Suicide, carcrash, ghost - Freeform, hurt!Niall, hurt!harry, minorsupernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-01-11 06:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 27,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1169631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mission_ARS/pseuds/Mission_ARS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the car Niall, Louis and Harry are in a crash, One Direction have to deal with the challenges that comes with it. All it took was one night for everything to change and it's all Niall's fault... But does he really deserve prison?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MojoJojo199300](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MojoJojo199300/gifts).



If you told him a year ago that one day he would be sent to prison,  
that one day he would kill someone  
that one day he would seriously injure another  
that he would be alone and hurt and broken

He would have laughed.  
They all would have laughed.

... After all he was the most innocent of them all.


	2. Red

**He watches, helpless as the scene he's been trying to avoid begins to play. The flashes he had been seeing we're coming together in one sickening story.**

**He could see,feel,hear every thought, movement, emotion.**

**He knew how it would end and all he could do was pray, that they were not to late**

* * *

__  
I go into the bathroom to take a quick shower.

Once I get out I dry off and put on a comfortable pair of sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt.

I turn and look at myself in the mirror and hated what I saw, thin pale face, rid rimmed eyes and a black heart.

My hand grips the razor tightly, I stare at it. Was this really what I wanted? Did I really want to do it? Sometimes... It was yes, at other times though... It was no. Right now? I wasn't sure. Would I feel better afterwards? Most definitely yes. 

Decision made, I sit on the floor and place the cold metal against my soft skin. I pull it across slowly. It slices my skin and I watch, mesmerised, at the trail it leaves.  
There's no going back now.

One, two, three, four

I watch the droplets of blood fall from my wrist and stain the white tiled floor.

Five, six, seven, eight

I can feel a slight sting where the razor left it's mark. It's not important, my concentration stays on the blood.

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

I feel, free. Something I haven't felt for a long time. All the anger, stress, pain from the past few months is gone.

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen

I move the razor to my other wrist

Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty

I pull it across, more blood flows out.

Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four,  
Twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight

I lean back against the wall, letting it's cold seep though my clothes. Freezing my skin. I suddenly feel very tired.

The blood has formed a small puddle around me, it's growing steadily. Only now does it hit how much there actually is.

By now I'm to weak to do anything. I begin to get light-headed and my vision begins to go black. My eyelids begin to flutter shut.  
I'm so tired

I'm not sure how long I've been in here, but I know it's been a while.

As my vision completely fades, I wonder, Is this it? Is this where it all ends for me? I'm to far gone to care. It's better this way. No-one will have to put up with the guy who killed his best friend and band mate.

When it arrives, I can barely hear the knock on the door. Even with my scences fading, the knocking gets louder and louder. I think I hear voices yelling but I can't make out the words and even if I could, I wouldn't have the strength to respond.

I'm so sorry Harry is my last conscious thought before I fade into oblivion

* * *

"If your so worried about him, why don't you go check up on him?" Zayn asks Liam, who had been fretting about the amount of time their friend had been spending in the shower.

Personally Zayn thought Liam was being stupid, if their roles were reversed he would spend more time in the shower too. Zayn reasoned they didn't have very good showers in prison.

Liam took Zayns advice and sprinted to the bathroom. Tentatively, he knocked on the door.

There was no reply.

Liam banged on it a little louder.

Still no reply.

Liam began to panic. He kept banging, louder and louder. He called out to his friend, willing him to reply.

Nothing

Zayn rolled his eyes when he heard Liam's loud knocking. However when Liam started yelling, he grew a little worried. 

He walked quickly to the bathroom, not worried enough to sprint there, but still worried enough to move at a quick speed.

He was met with a frantic, teary eyed Liam. Zayn's worry only grew.

Zayn grabbed the hysterical Liam and pulled him away from the door. Once Liam was a safe distance away Zayn rammed into it.

"Niall" Zayn yelled in horror when he eventually broke through it. "Oh my God!"

Zayn swallowed the bile in his throat and grabbed two towels off the towel rack and pressed them against Niall's cuts.

"Liam!" Zayn screamed "Call 999! Niall's not breathing"


	3. Crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall describes the crash to his attorney

**Two Years Earlier...**

_I can't believe it! I can't believe what I've done. Why was I so stupid?_

_I hate this orange jumpsuit. Another reminder of where I am. Another reminder of what I've done._

_In interviews, it was always voted that Harry or Louis would end up here. Not me. We always thought they would end up in this mess._

"Hello Niall, I'm James Sanders. They assigned me to be your attorney."

James sat his briefcase on the table as he sat in the chair across from Niall. He opened his case and began to take out papers.

"I'm going to need you to give me a detailed description of everything that happened prior your arrest. Starting from a week before."

Niall stayed silent, his eyes trained on the desk. It was like he was in a completely different world.

"Niall! Niall Horan!" His rose up slowly until he was looking at James "If you want me to help you," James continued "Then tell me what happened"

Niall nodded slowly, "Right, um, can I think for a second?"

"Take your time"

After a couple more silent seconds Niall spoke, "We had just got back from tour, we decided to go sightseeing cause it had been so long since we'd been in England. Paul arranged us a car to drive around. We went out until six that evening..."

_"Let's go shopping, I'm dead out of hair products" Zayn said_

_"Good idea besides I wanted to get Eleanor a necklace" Louis replied with a big goofy smile that he gets whenever he thinks about Eleanor._

_Harry rolled his eyes "You guys are kidding right? You can always do that tomorrow"_

_"What about you Niall?" Liam asked "What do you want to do?"_

_"As long as there's food I don't care"_

_"Are you serious?" Harry said "It's our first night back, let's have fun. What about I go out and you guys can go to the mall. I can pick you up by nine."_

_"That might actually work" Liam said "but don't crash the car"_

Niall stopped

"Keep going" James encouraged him

"We got to the mall and Zayn, Louis and Liam got out. Harry didn't want to be by himself so I went with him. For the first few hours we drove around doing nothing. Then Harry saw this girl he liked and started to flirt with her. I was sitting in the car doing nothing when Louis called and said that he was with some other guys who were throwing a small party at their flat and he invited us to come. I didn't want to go but Harry was busy and we needed to pick Louis up, since he was already there so I had to go anyway."

"How many people were there?" James asked

"Around 25 - 30. On the drive there Harry wasn't with me, so I went in to get Lou."

_"Come on Ni, it's just one drink" Ed said while I was looking for Lou._

_"No"_

_"Why not?"_

_"Because, since Lou is drunk. I have to pick up Zayn and Liam"_

_"What about Harry?"_

_"I have to pick he up too,"_

_"Fine, fine, fine. Be a loser but when you ready to be fun, the drinks are over there." Ed said pointing to the coolers packed with beer._

"I continued to look for Lou and it was about 30 minutes later when I gave in and took a drink"

"Why did you give in"

Niall laughed "I love drinking and when you are in a room that smells like beer, it's extremely hard to say no. Besides I knew everyone in the room and no-one would talk to me because I wasn't drunk too. So I gave in. I only had two. By the time I found Louis it was 8-45. Louis was way more drunk then I was. I kept the keys and we went to pick Harry up"

_"Guess who scored himself a date?" Harry asked as soon as he got in the car._

_"I'm going to take a wild guess and say, you" Niall replies with a slight rolling of the eyes_

_"Ye got that correct" Harry laughed "oh, Liam called. He said Zayn and him were going to have their girlfriends pick them up"_

_"Oh"_

_They had just driven off when Harry began to smell the alcohol "Is that beer... I smell?"_

_Louis, who had been silent until then spoke up "No! Why would you think that"_

_Louis hasty reply had Harry worried. After all Liam had strictly said no drinking "Niall?" He asked as he turned to look at him "have you two been drinking?"_

_"Uhh... No, No we uh haven't be-"_

_"Niall" Harry cut him off "We've been touring for the past year, I know when your lying. You've never been able to lie well. I can smell the beer on you and Louis after Liam specifically said not to!"_

_"Fine, we were drinking but I only had a few"_

_"Fuck Niall! Why'd you blab?" Louis yelled angrily_

_"I'm not riding with a drunk driver. I'm not that stupid" Harry yelled "Pull over now!"_

_"No, I'm fine, I swear!"_

_"Pull over!"_

_"I'm not pulling over, Harry, shut up!"_

_"I won't be quiet until you pull over!"_

_"I'm not pulling over!"_

_"I mean it, Please-"_

"And that's when I swerved." Niall continued as he stared past James, at the wall. "I've never been much good when I'm pressured that plus, the two beers I'd already had... I couldn't concentrate. I swerved and the truck that was coming our way, couldn't stop. He hit the passenger side. When the ambulance got there, they took us to hospital. The guy in the truck was fine. I had a few scratches and bruises." Niall's voice faltered as the tears ran down his cheeks.

"Continue, please"

"All because of my stupidity, Louis is still in a coma and... and Harry is... he's dead. I killed him. I destroyed One direction."


	4. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I get that your hurt, that your scared shitless, that on this bed you can be as weak as you want. But when you get out of this bed your gonna have to be strong. You have to suck it up,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nialls in prison now…

**Three months later...**

_Cold. I'm so cold. Why did they wait three months to do this to me? I thought the suspense was the worst... I was so wrong._

"Hey" Niall's cellmate Dylan called out from the top bunk "How are you?"

"F... F... Fine," Niall stuttered as he lay shivering on his bunk

"I told ya, I couldn't do anything when it happened"

"I... know"

Dylan sighed, "I told ya it would happen, I told ya so ya'd be ready"

Niall remained silent

"How'd them doctors treat you?"

"Better then most people here"

"I heard them tests are embarrassing"

"Those guards... they could have.... they did nothing.... to stop it"

"Ha..." Dylan laughed, "To them you're just a screw up, who murdered a guy,"

"I didn't... murder... him"

"It doesn't matter to them, he's dead because of you. That's all they care about"

"They... aren't all... bad"

"Not all of them, just trying to find one is like trying to swim without water"

Dylan jumped off the bunk and knelt beside Niall.

Niall, who was facing the wall, was still shivering.

Dylan reached out and gently touched Niall's shoulder, causing Niall to jump in the air and start to hyperventilate.

"Woah, it's okay blondie,"

Niall froze, that was what they called him when they... when they... hurt him.

"Don't... don't do that... please" 

"Sorry, kid" Dylan replied "Turn around,"

"Why?"

"Because... just turn around. I got to tell ya something, it's important,"

Niall slowly turned around. He clenched his jaw tight, to prevent himself from screaming with pain, a few tears make it to his eyes. "What?" He asked once he was facing Dylan.

"I get that your hurt, that your scared shitless, that on this bed you can be as weak as you want. But when you get out of this bed your gonna have to be strong. You have to suck it up,"

"How can... I do that?" Niall asked the tears still in his eyes.

"Cause if ya don't, they'll do it again, and this time they won't leave you alive,"

* * *

As Niall walked down the hallway with the guard most of the other prisoners were taunting him. Whistling and jeering at him, shouting his name, telling him how good he looks, how good he was.

Niall was escorted to a private room where James was waiting. He was sitting at a small table with two chairs. James looked up and gestured for Niall to take the other seat. Once Niall was seated the guard left the room but stayed outside it.

"How are you doing Niall?" James asked, knowing how stupid he sounded but wanting to break the silence. Niall was anything but okay.

"Are you kidding?" Niall asked, the dark rings under his eyes showed how little sleep he was getting. On the eating department, Niall still looked healthy, at least nothing had changed there. After the call James got the previous day, he knew how emotionally unstable Niall would become by the time his sentence was over.

"I'm sorry Niall..." after a few second of silence James spoke again "I tried to get you sent to a private prison but the judge wouldn't allow it, said you had to serve your time in a proper adult prison,"

"I agreed to the plea," Niall said in a flat voice, his eyes trained on the white, cement wall behind James.

"I shouldn't have let you agree,"

"It was my choice,"

"Niall, your nineteen. I don't care if by the law your an adult. Your still a boy, you shouldn't be in a prison with men."

"I killed my best friend and band mate," Niall said angrily "I deserve this!"

"Nobody deserves what happened to you. We should have gone to trial, I could have won,"

"No you wouldn't have and you know it! If we had gone to trial I would be stuck her for ten years instead of three. This way I get out sooner,"

James took a deep breath "Those men, that... that raped you last night. They've been sent to solitary for six months,"

Niall nodded, "Thats great," the bitterness giving his sarcasm an extra edge, "All I have to worry about now is their friends, and look forward to seeing their beautiful faces again, six months from now. I mean it's not like they're going to be mad enough to kill me. We'll just go back to our little tea parties again, won't we?"

James winced and looked sympathetically at Niall, "So... ah, how do you like your cellmate?" He asked, changing the subject.

"He's fine,"

"I made sure you got put with him, because I knew if you were safe with anyone, it'd be him."

Niall stayed silent.

"Niall, has he done anything to you?"

Niall shook his head, staring at the wall again. Tears gliding down his face, silently.

"It's alright Niall. Your going to get through this. You will be okay."

Niall looked down, "You're not the one lying down every night listening to other men yelling how they want to... to f-fuck you and make you a man," he whispered.

"I have to go, Niall," James said with sadness. He stood to leave.

"Wait!" Niall called, "Louis, how is he?"

"He woke up a few weeks ago. He has to do six weeks of therapy, then him and Liam and Zayn can come back,"

"So, he's going to be okay?"

"Just fine and the other lads will be too,"

The tears welled up in Niall's eyes again, "The lads, my mam, they don't know about... what happened. Do they?"

"They haven't been told yet,"

Niall gave a small smile, "Good, make sure they don't find out. I don't want them to know,"

"Niall, I think they need to know. Particularly your mum,"

"They can't know. I don't want them to,"

"Okay, I won't tell them,"

"Thank you,"

"Sure... is there anything else?"

Niall thought for a second, "Do you know if Louis... remembers anything?"

"From what Zayn told me, the last thing he remembers was taking a taxi to the party,"

"Does he know I'm here?"

James sighed "Liam told him a couple of days after he woke up and started to ask why you and Harry weren't there," tears rolled out Niall's eyes at the mention of Harry, "he was very upset... I'll see you in a few weeks okay? Just hang in there,"

"It's not that easy,"

* * *

"Why did you do it?" Niall asked Dylan

"Do what?"

"Kill those people,"

"Simple, I felt like it,"

"Why aren't you beating the shit outta me?"

Dylan sighed, "Also simple... I don't feel like it,"

"If I asked that question to anyone else here, I would be lying on the ground bleeding to death,"

"Ten years ago, I wanted money, bad. I was a druggie without drugs, or money to buy them. So I went to a gas station and threatened the man and his wife, they gave me ten dollars and said it was all they had. I didn't believe them, I got really angry and I shot them. When I opened the till, there was no other money. I shot a man and his pregnant wife, I didn't know she was pregnant until after I shot her. I killed them for ten dollars. I felt so bad so I waited for the cops to show up. Do you know what the funny thing is?"

"What?"

"The gun I had with me... I could have sold that for at least one hundred,"

"So what about you?" Dylan asked after a long silence, "What's your story?"

"Uh... it's a long story"

"We haven't got anything but time,"


	5. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis wants to see Niall...

Niall sat at the picnic table, it was the only place outside that he could see all of the other prisoners. The only place that gave him warning of an attack.

Over the months he learnt that looking the other prisoners in the eyes lead to trouble. Dylan was the only exception to the rule.

He had learnt to always keep his head up, making sure he could see all around him, without meeting any prisoners eye. This is when he wished he didn't need glasses.

Somedays he was lucky and nobody bothered him. Today he wasn't so lucky.

"Well look here," one of the criminals, Carl said as he and his friend Zack made their way over to Niall's table, "Blondie here is in his favourite spot,"

Niall's shiver at the choice of words went un-noticed by the two burly men.

"It's so strange to hear him so quiet," Zack replied to his friend, "The Niall I know was screaming his fuckin' head off a few days ago,"

Carl grinned, "I miss the old screaming Niall. I can't wait until we the loud Niall again, shouldn't be to long from now,"

Zack walked closer to Niall, "What, you go nothin' to say? Did all that screamin' hurt your throat?"

Niall remained silent, literally shaking in his shoes, but not enough for Carl and Zack to notice. He tried to ignore the two extremely large men who were standing right in front of him.

Niall looked over at the guards, a few glanced at him, Carl and Zack but none came over. Niall didn't expect them to either. He had learnt they don't do anything until someone had already been physically hurt. That 'someone' ninety-nine percent of the time was, unfortunately, Niall.

"Carl, I think he's gone mute,"

"Nah, blondie thinks he's smarter then us. He thinks if he stays silent we will just go away,"

"Oh, but we're not going anywhere are we Carl?" Zack says, tearing his eyes off Niall and looking over at Carl.

Carl grinned "Nope, what do you think we'll get for beatin' the shit outta him?"

"A week in solitary, give or take a few,"

"So, we knock him around and get a week of peace and quiet. That sounds good to me... What about you Zack,"

"Sound's good,"

Niall's heart started racing, he took a couple of deep breaths to try and calm himself down. This wasn't the first time this had happened. It never got any easier though. The only good thing about this time though, was that they didn't have enough time to do what the other men did before.

"Please don't" Niall whispered quietly, as Carl and Zack came closer.

"Look at that, he can speak," Carl exclaimed in false delight, "Let's change that,"

Carl's fist connects with Niall's jaw, while Niall's scream of pain travels up his throat Zack's fiction connects with Niall's stomach, causing a gasp to come out instead. Zack then grabs Niall's arms, forcing them behind his back while Carl attacks.

Face, Stomach, Face, Stomach.

Carl's punches fall in a pattern until Niall is to weak and in to much pain to fight back. Zack releases Niall and he crumples on the ground. The pain doesn't stop there though, Carl and Zack kick him repeatedly, in the face and stomach. Those few seconds feel like hours in Niall's mind.

* * *

"That's good Louis! You've made extraordinary progress," Louis doctor, Dr Marshall, said after Louis just walked around the hospitals garden, he had walked a good mile and a half before he needed to rest.

"Thank you," Louis replied, but he didn't seem like his usual cheery self. He and Dr Marshall sat down at a bench.

"What's wrong Louis? Aren't you pleased with how far you've come in such a short amount of time?"

"It's not that," Louis began as he admired the garden in front of them, "I am glad I can walk again, wow that's weird to say!"

"Then, what's the problem?"

Louis turned his head, "There's not just one,"

"We've got time,"

Louis sighed, "I want to remember what happened, it's the most annoying, thing in the world. A whole chunk of my memory is black, and it's an important chunk too. It's so frustrating, I hate it! 

"I know it's hard Louis, but truthfully, you'll never remember what happened"

"I know... I've been told"

"And the other problems?"

"I miss Harry. I want to go home, I want to see Eleanor, I want to see Niall... They won't even talk about him, every time I ask how he is Liam gets all mad and Zayn looks like he wants to cry and then they change the subject. I just want to know if he's okay, he's one of our best mates, but it's like they don't care. The only time they ever talked about him was when I woke up and they told me what happened,"

"You have to remember that it's hard on them to. They just lost their best friend on account of another best friend. On top of that, they have to worry about you learning to walk again. It's probably very emotional times for them,"

"I know it is," Louis said, "But it's hard on me to. I just want to know how Niall is. He's in a freakin' prison! Our little Nialler, the one we all protected, baby Nandos. In prison. It's not right,"

"Unfortunately, I can't help with all your problems, but I can help with one,"

"Hurry up woman and tell me," Louis said sassily, making the doctor smile. 

"Since you've been making such good progress, I think your ready to go home,"

Louis eyes widened, "Serious! I get to go home?"

"If you want to, but I want you to stay in physical therapy. I know a specialist who will stay you, so you can avoid the public eye. I've already gone over it with Liam,"

"Thank you, Dr Marshall. When do I get to leave?"

"No problem, you get to leave in two days,"

* * *

Six days later a badly bruised and broken Niall lay on his bed. He had two cracked ribs and two broken ones, he torso was a mess and his jaw had be bruised so bad that it was hard for him to eat food, even the soft ones like yoghurt, this made him skinnier then before, especially since he didn't have the apatite he once used to since he was violated. He had lost almost all of the blonde in his hair. He didn't look like Niall anymore. Even he couldn't recognise himself in the mirror.

"Niall Horan, you have a visitor," a guard said as he walked towards Niall's cell.

"Me? Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Come with me,"

Niall stood up slowly, wincing in pain. Gritting he teeth so he wouldn't yell out, that would make the other prisoners want to hurt him more.

Niall followed the guard down the hallway, ignoring the taunts from the other prisoners. They reached the visitors room and the guard pointed to the table at the other end of the room. Niall hobbled slowly across, not being able to tell who was there because of the wall that blocked his view. When he turned the corner, he froze in shock. A small smile graced his features, it wasn't a very big one since his jaw was still sore.

When Louis looked up and saw Niall, he tried his hardest to hold back the tears. However, he couldn't hold back the small gasp that escaped his lips. This person could not be Niall. Louis pushed the thoughts from his mind, there could be worse things. At least Niall was still alive.

He tried, and failed, to seem normal, in front of his speechless friend, "Hey, Niall!"


	6. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall apologises to Harry…

"L- Louis, why are you here?" A confused and scared Niall asks, "I- If it's to call me a murderer, my mam already beat you to the punch line,"

"God, no!" Louis exclaims, "I would never do that, I wanted to see you,"

There's an awkward pause, neither really no knowing what to say. Finally Louis breaks it, "Aren't ya going to sit down?" he asked

Niall, who had been standing with his eyes fixed on Louis, in some form of shock, came out of his trance, "Oh, Yeah,"

Niall moved to the chair on his side and sat down.

"Are... are Liam and Zayn with you?" Niall asked, still staring at Louis as if the minute Niall looked away Louis would be gone.

"No, but they uh send there regrets," Louis replied uncomfortably. He tried not to focus all his attention on Niall, but he was shocked, Niall was not supposed to be this thin. Niall seemed severely ill.

"They didn't want to come did they? They hate me," Niall tried to hold back the tears

"No, Niall. I'm sure it's not that. They're just busy or something. They would never hate you," Louis exclaimed, trying to make Niall feel better,

"They do! It's cause I killed H- Harry isn't it? And your here to tell me you hate me too!"

"Niall you didn't kill him. Liam and Zayn love you okay? I love you to. We could never hate you! Your our baby Nandos!"

Niall smiled, and it was that smile that convince Louis that this far-to-skinny, bruised, and broken boy in front of him, was definitely Niall. Sure, the smile wasn't as happy as it used to be, but it was a smile nonetheless.

"Thanks, Lou. I know your trying to make me feel better,"

Louis smiled, but it quickly faded, "We do love you,"

"No you don't... why should you? I wouldn't if I were you," Niall replied, a single tear rolled down his cheek,

"Then it's a good thing you're not me," Louis joked,

"Do they know your here?"

"They're at a meeting with management,"

"So... that's a no,"

"Yes, it'a no,"

"They didn't want you to come did," Niall stated

"Since when could you read minds?" Louis teased

Niall grinned slightly, "Since I have nothing better to do. So what happened? And please don't lie, your the closest thing I got to normal here,"

Louis pause for a moment, "We got back two days ago and the second thing I wanted to do was go and see you. Liam kept saying no, just hinting that I shouldn't go visit you, I got sick of it and we had a heated argument, so I pranked called Liam saying management wanted to have a meeting with them to discus their future,"

Niall sat silently, processing what Louis just said.  
 _  
My best friend, very best friend and my own mam hate me. I can't say I blame them, but if there was ever a time I needed one of them, just one... Stop! Stop thinking about yourself, you killed Harry, you deserve this. Everyone should hate you. Everyone has the right to hate you._

"You okay?" Louis asked

"What? Oh yeah I'm fine,"

Louis took a deep breath, "Can I ask you for a favour?"

"Uh, not much I can do from here,"

"I need you to tell me about that night,"

"Didn't Liam and Zayn tell you when you woke up?"

"Yeah, but it was just pieces of the story, I want the whole thing,"

Niall shook his head, "No,"

"But... I can't remember, I want to... I want to remember,"

"No, sorry, I won't,"

"Why?" Louis asked, "You remember so..."

"Exactly," Niall interrupted, "I remember and everyday, it tears me apart inside. You're lucky, Louis. Don't try to remember. Just let it go. You have the chance to do that,"

"But... I,"

"Are you okay, Louis? Like physically okay? Can you walk again?"

"Yeah, I'm fine,"

Niall gave a weak smile, "That's good,"

"Niall Horan, your times up," a guard says, interrupting the conversation before Louis could say something.

Niall stood up, "Bye Louis, thank you for coming to see me. You have no idea how much I needed that,"

* * *

__

_"Hey, I've been looking for you,"_

_"Harry?"_

_Harry laughed, "Who else?"_

_"Wha... What are you doing here? Your dead"_

_"Yeah, I know. I just wanted to see you, you look terrible,"_

_"I feel worse,"_

_"You've got to take better care of yourself, Liam'd be appalled. You don't even look like the Niall I used to know,"_

_"I don't think I am that same Niall,"_

_Harry shook his head, "That's a shame, everyone loved that Niall,"_

_"They shouldn't have, that Niall got you killed,"_

_"Niall you didn't kill me. I have to go now," Harry smiled, "It was good to see you Niall, even if you do look like shit,"_

_"Wait!" Niall yelled as Harry walked away, "I forgot to tell you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I am so sorry,"_

_Even though Harry was still near, he made no indication he even heard Niall speak. He kept on walking._

_Once Harry disappeared Niall began to cry_

"Harry, Harry," Niall yelled in his sleep

Dylan quickly woke him up with a few shakes, "What the hell are you doing?" he asked

"I was... I was having a dream,"

"Well dream quieter then. The other guys hear you yelling some guys name in your sleep, it will give them ammunition,"

"Sorry, sorry I woke you up,"

"Doesn't matter, I was awake anyway. Go back to sleep,"

* * *

__

_Liam was standing alone when he was knocked off his feet._

_"Watch where you're going! Harry?"_

_Harry grinned, "What? Liam you're looking at me weird, do I have something on my face?"_

_"No... No, that's not it. Aren't you supposed to be... supposed to be... uh.... dead?"_

_"I am dead. The car crashed into the truck and I died on impact,"_

_Liam's heart shattered. He had allowed himself to hope it was all a dream, and he had to admit it hurt hearing those words coming out of Harry's mouth._

_"Why... why are you here?" Liam asked_

_Harry's face instantly became grave, "It's about Niall,"_

_"I don't want to talk about him," Liam said angrily_

_"Liam please, your the one who cares, or cared, about him the most. He needs you, he needs all of you,"_

_"He lost that right when he killed you,"_

_"He didn't kill me,"_

_"Yes. He. Did!"_

_"Liam, please listen. Do you really want another mate to die?"_

_"It's just prison Harry, he's not going to die,"_

_"He will, just ask Louis, he knows how bad it is?"_

_"What is?"_

_"I have to go now, I don't know when I'll see you again. I was only meant to see Niall," Harry began to fade,_

_"Harry! Wait! What is so bad? What does Louis know that I don't? Harry! Harry!" Liam cried, but it was to late. Harry was gone._

Liam woke up with a start. He felt scared, why did he dream about Harry? It almost seemed like Harry was trying to warn him, but of what? He flicked on the lights and his eyes feel on a photo of him and the rest of the lads. He thought about how Niall had the biggest apatite how Niall was always able to cheer him up, and how Niall was their baby Nandos. He thought about the times when Niall's claustrophobia got to him, and when Liam had to comfort Niall after he had read hateful tweets on twitter.

Liam suddenly felt very lonely, he didn't notice the few tears that had escaped his eyes and he got out of his bed. He padded quietly down the hall and snuck into Niall's room. The tears flowed steadily out of his eyes. Niall, the one they all felt the most protective of was in prison.

Liam walked over to Niall's bed and slipped in, immediately feeling better.


	7. Visiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis talks to Zayn and convinces him to visit Niall

"They got out today," Dylan said to Niall as they sat at the picnic table.

"Who?"

"Carl and Zack,"

"How'd you know,"

"I've been here ten years, Niall. I know how long a person gets put in solitary for doin' something like what they did to you. They'll get out today,"

"That immediately brightens up my day," Niall replied with a sigh

"Who came to visit you the other day?" Dylan asked, changing the subject.

"Louis,"

"How'd it go?"

Niall looked over at Dylan, "I didn't know you were a therapist,"

Dylan shrugged, "After almost four months with you, I'm used to you chattin' about everything,"

"Uh... huh. It was fine,"

"Does he remember anything?"

Niall shook his head, "No. I hope he never does,"

"Everybody in!" A guard yelled, letting them know that their hour outside was up.

Niall and Dylan stood up, but Niall quickly grabbed the picnic table.

Dylan looked at him, "You okay?"

Niall nodded, "Just got a little dizzy. I think I stood up to fast,"

Carl and Dylan did get out of solitary that day, but thankfully Niall was able to avoid them... Although he knew that avoiding them wouldn't last forever.

* * *

"Penny for your thoughts," Zayn asked Liam who had been distracted all morning, something was obviously worried by something. Zayn just couldn't tell what it was.

Liam sighed, "You're going to think I'm crazy, but I dreamt about Harry last night-"

"I don't think your crazy, you miss him it's only natural you will dream about him," Zayn said, taking a note of how Louis had instantly paid attention to the conversation when Harry was mentioned. Zayn had been worried about Louis over the past few days, lately Louis had been a lot more quieter and Zayn had been debating on whether or not to talk to him. It didn't take much to see that something was troubling the lad.

Liam sighed, "It's not that simple, Zayn. If it was I wouldn't be worried about it but Harry admitted to being dead, he said his death wasn't N-Niall's fault, he said Niall needs us and he tried to convince me to visit him-"

"It's probably your subconscious trying to accept Harry's death. I think it's trying to convince ya that you should go visit Niall," Zayn interrupted Liam. Zayn had been watching Louis and had seen Louis face change when Niall's name was mentioned. When Zayn had mentioned suggested going to see Niall though, Louis had looked like he was on the verge of passing out. Bingo! Zayn thought, Niall has been what's bothering Louis. He made a mental note to talk about it with him later.

"I told Harry I wouldn't go and he asked me if I wanted another mate to die,"

_"It's just prison Harry, he's not going to die,"_

_"He will, just ask Louis, he knows how bad it is?"_

_"What is?"_

_"I have to go now, I don't know when I'll see you again. I was only meant to see Niall," Harry began to fade,_

_"Harry! Wait! What is so bad? What does Louis know that I don't? Harry! Harry!" Liam cried, but it was to late. Harry was gone._

Louis, who had gained back some of his colour, looked visibly shaken and scared? Zayn wasn't sure but he knew he would find out. It was time for Louis to admit his secret.

"Weird," Zayn commented, "So what's your dirty little secret, Lou?" he teased.

Louis swallowed, "Actually, I went to see Niall,"

The whole room was silent.

"How bad is it?" Zayn asked eventually.

"How bad is what?"

"What Harry said in Liam's dream, how bad is it? What did he mean by having two friends die?"

"I don't know, but he looks awful. I would never have thought he was Niall. He thinks you guys hate him,"

"That's because we do!" Liam said angry, "He killed Harry! I hate him, he's a murderer,"

"You don't mean that," Zayn whispered brokenly, but Louis had, had enough. He stood up.

"It was an accident! He was drunk, he didn't mean to get drunk. Liam, you two were so close."

"That was before I learned he was a murderer!" Liam yelled and stormed off, slamming the door behind him.

Louis started crying and Zayn quickly wrapped him in a hug.

"Did he really look that bad?" He asked.

Louis nodded.

Zayn felt his stomach drop, he regretted not having gone to see Niall earlier.

* * *

"Niall Horan," a guard called out as he reached Niall's cell. Niall was lying on his bed doing nothing.

"Yes," Niall replied, a little startled

"Visitors for you,"

"Again?"

"Are we going to have to go through your disbelief of having a visitor every time you have one?" The guard asked. It was the same guard that had taken Niall to Louis the last time.

"S-sorry," Niall said as he got up and walked with the guard.

* * *

"Back so soon?" Niall asked as he sat down across from Louis.

"It's only been a week and a half,"

"I know... I didn't really think you'd ever come back,"

"Why would you think that?"

"Cause... it... it doesn't matter. What's up?"

"Just wanted to come and see you, oh and Zayn wanted to too,"

"You mean..."

"Yup, he's here!"

"And Liam to?"

"Uh, no... he's... uh... busy,"

"He didn't want to see a shit-ass screw-up like me did he?"

"Don't talk about yourself like that, Niall. Liam still loves you. Every night he goes and sleeps in your room," Louis said seriously, getting up to leave, "I'm going to let Zayn talk to you now,"

A few seconds later Zayn came in.

No amount of preparing could have possibly prepared Zayn for how bad Niall looked. He was too skinny, you could still see some of the bruises he had received but most of them were fading or gone.

"Waz hapnin'?" Zayn asked, as he sat where Louise had sat only seconds before.

Niall laughed but didn't reply, he was still getting over the shock of Zayn being there.

"What's prison like?" Zayn asked wanting to break the silence.

"Imagine the worst thing ever and then multiply it by... by a really big number. It's not what they make it out to be in the movies. It's about as close as you can get to what you imagine hell to be like,"

"Do they feed you enough? You're awfully thin,"

"Yeah, they feed me enough. It's just... I haven't been hungry, that's all,"

"When has Niall Horan ever not been hungry?"

Niall gave a weak smile, he didn't want to lie to Zayn, but he didn't want to tell him the truth either.

"Do they beat you up in prison, Niall?"

"Why would you th-"

"Louis said you had bruises and you walked funny too, when he came to visit you,"

"Yeah, sometimes. It's not that bad though,"

Something told Zayn that Niall was lying.

The guard who had brought Niall over came up "Time to go,"

Zayn looked at the guard then at Niall, "Cya,"

Niall stood up, "Bye, Zayn. And don't worry about me, I'll be fine," Niall put the best fake smile on, that he could manage.

Zayn watched Niall leave, once Niall was out of sight he buried his face in his hands, "Oh Niall, what have they done to you?" he whispered.

* * *

"Where the hell where you?" Liam yelled, ignoring the red rings around Louis and Zayn's eyes indicating they had been crying.

"We went to see Niall," Zayn replied calmly, as his stomached did another backflip just thinking about the blonde.

"Why would you do that? I thought we agreed we wouldn't see him,"

"No, Liam. You agreed not to see him. I know your hurting but so is the rest of us. You need to let it go,"

"What if he hates me?"

"Liam, it's Niall, he could never hate you,"


	8. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn tries talking to Liam

"Liam," Zayn called softly as he pushed the door to Liam's room open. It was empty. He sighed.

He moved down the hall to Niall's room. This became more common every day. Liam would go to bed in his room and they would find him in Niall's room the next day.

Liam was sitting on the floor his back propped up against the wall. He was holding something, Zayn couldn't tell what it was, in his right hand.

Liam didn't look up at Zayn. In fact, he didn't even move.

Zayn slowly walked into the room, trying to ignore the sting from memories or the pain that came when he thought about Niall.

"Liam," Zayn crouched beside him, "we made breakfast. Do you want to come down and have some?" he asked softly.

Liam looked up and shook his head. Zayn could see the tears welling up in Liam's eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asked

Liam shook his head again and looked at the photo he was holding. Zayn leaned over Liam's shoulder and he could feel his heart break. It was a picture of all five of them together, they were all smiling. Harry was... alive, and Niall was... well... Niall. He wasn't sick or broken. He was healthy and happy.

"Zayn?" Liam whispered, "Do you blame Niall for the crash?"

Zayn paused, thinking his words carefully, "Yes, I do. But I don't hate him for it,"

"Why? We should hate him, he killed Harry,"

"Because he was drunk, he didn't mean to do what he did. He hates himself for more then anyone else. He may have killed Harry but hating Niall isn't going to change anything,"

Liam started crying. The tears he had be holding back, finally began to fall.

"I'm so confused, it's like one minute I forgive Niall and I miss him, then I remember Harry and I feel so angry. I remember he's dead and Niall deserves to pay. Then I keep having nightmares where I'm the driver of the truck. I know I'm going to crash. I try to stop it, but it's like I have no control and it won't stop. I try so hard... so hard"

Zayn wrapped his arms around Liam, pulling him into a hug. "You didn't kill him," he whispers, trying to get Liam to calm down.

Eventually Liam's sobs stopped and he pulled back from Zayn.

"Zayn..."

"Yeah?"

"Does... does, Niall hate me?"

"No, why would you think that?"

"I could have prevented the crash,"

"Liam. You couldn't have stopped the crash,"

"Yes, I could. If I had just gone with Niall and Harry, I could have made sure he never touched the drink. I could have driven instead of Niall,"

"Liam, you're being ridiculous,"

"No I'm not! If I had just gone with them I could have prevented the crash. Harry wouldn't be dead!" Liam's voice was now rising and Zayn's rose with it.

"And what if it didn't prevent the crash? What if you landed in a coma like Louis? Or worse died like Harry did? What if I'd be the one to receive the call saying my band mates had gotten into a crash and two of them were dead, one was in a coma and the other was in jail? What if I had to watch Niall's trial alone? If I had to attend not one but two funerals by myself? If I had to watch Louis struggle to walk again alone? What if I'd blamed it all on Niall and never went to see him? I would have left him without a friend when he needs one especially since-"

"Since what?" Fear attacked Liam's stomach making it all queasy.

"Do you get my point?"

"Yes, yes. I get your point Zayn. Don't try to change the topic, since what?"

"I'm not sure if your ready to know,"

"What do you mean 'not ready' just tell me Zayn"

Zayn sighed "The other criminals... don't... like Niall-"

"Well I wouldn't if I were them! He's a fucking murderer," 

Liam's angry side had come back and he got up and stormed out of the room. Leaving Zayn to break down by himself, because really? It hurt to see your best mate rot away in a prison. It hurt to have another best mate die. It hurt to watch a band mate learn to walk again. It hurt to watch a friend change because of this, because he doesn't know what to think anymore. It hurt to watch everyone around you to try and deal with this, while you, yourself was slipping also. It hurt to know that someday one of the thin ropes they are all so desperately trying to hold onto, is going to break and whoever is holding on will fall. Just how disastrous the fall will be, Zayn didn't know, and maybe that's what hurt the most.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Niall lay on his bed, his head was spinning like crazy.

"Come on Niall! Time to eat," Dylan said as he headed out the cell. Niall didn't move. "Hello! Time to go,"

"I don't think, I don't think.. I can get up,"

"Why?"

"I can't see straight, the room is spinning,"

Dylan walked over to his bed, "Here," he began, "Close your eyes and I'll pull you up. Once you're standing you can open you're eyes again,"

Niall nodded and closed his eyes. Dylan held onto Niall's shoulders and helped him to his feet, "Now open," Dylan said.

Niall did, the room spun for a minute then stopped, "Huh, it worked. Thanks,"

"Yupp... Now let's go eat,"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Louis had deduced from the moment he woke up that today was going to be a bad day. The night had been plagued by nightmares where Harry lay dying and he couldn't do anything to stop it.

He had woken up crying. It felt like he missed Harry more than ever. Without Harry there was such a huge fucking hole in his heart and with Niall in prison, it seemed even bigger.

Louis didn't blame Niall, sure some days he was angry about what had happened but he didn't blame Niall and he couldn't understand how Liam and Zayn did. Niall was the member of the band they all felt protective of, and Louis just couldn't let the feeling go.

He was still brooding over this when Zayn came in to help Louis finish making the three of them breakfast.

"Morning Lou, need any help?" Zayn asked as he strode in.

"Morning Zee, You don't mind going and waking Niall, Liam and Harry up do you?"

The words slipped out of Louis mouth without him realising it. They both froze. Louis immediately berated himself for his thoughtless words.

"I'm so sorry Zayn," Louis corrected himself, "I meant, can you wake Liam up,"

Zayn gave a sad smile before heading back up. Louis wasn't sure if it was meant for him or not.

He was setting the food onto plates when he heard them both raise their voices. He couldn't clearly hear what they were saying but there was only one topic it could be based on. Niall.

It wasn't very long after that Liam came storming down the stairs. Louis didn't say anything, he just ate his breakfast quietly.

Zayn still had't come down by the time they had both finished eating., so Louis went to look for him.

A few minutes later, he found Zayn on the floor in Niall's room. There was something on the floor next to him, a photo Louis thought. It was such a sweet scene, Zayn was crying and Harry had his arms wrapped around him, comforting him.

The minute Louis realised Harry was dead, he let out a strangled cry. Ignoring the wave of dizziness that suddenly swamped him, he sprinted to Harry's room and threw himself on Harrys bed.

He curled himself around the pillow and just let it all out.

Louis could hear voices around him, talking to him, but he couldn't make out what they were saying. The world kept spinning. It went black.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_"Loubear!"_

_"Hazza, I missed you so fucking much. I have this prank we can pull on Liam, it's revenge for saying your dead"_

_"I am dead,"_

_Louis blinked, and started laughing._

_"Good one Hazza but you have to do better than that,"_

_"Lou! I'm being serious, this is just a dream. I am dead,"_

_Louis stopped laughing, "So it wasn't a dream? It was real?"_

_"Yes it's real, I nee-"_

_"Why am I dreaming about you?"_

_"It's not a dream, it's more like a vision. If I want to I can enter people's dreams and talk to them through it,"_

_"Awesome! I'm offended you haven't talked to me sooner," Louis fake pouted_

_"I would have but I can only enter one dream per night. I did two in one night and the power was temporarily revoked,"_

_"Was that the night Liam dreamt about you?"_

_"And we have a winner people! The tommo has got it right,"_

_"Who was the other person, Harry?"_

_"Guess!"_

_"Niall?"_

_"Yup!"_

_"Why?"_

Louis woke up to two worried faces hovering over him.

"You fainted, Liam thinks it's cause you over excited yourself so your body just shut down," Zayn said

"How are you feeling?" Liam asked at almost the exact same time.

Louis grinned, "Great! Really, really great,"

Who knew Harry could make everything so much better?

Louis finally felt peaceful since the crash. Even if it wasn't that much, it was a start.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Niall... Niall?" Dylan called, trying to wake him up.

After a full five minutes of trying to wake Niall up with no success, Dylan knew something was wrong.

"Guards! Guards! Help!!"


	9. Killer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More depth on the crash and a tiny bit on what the fans think

Niall forced his eyes open. His eyelids seemed to be doing their best to make that impossible. He felt as though he had been stamped on by an elephant. Under his eyes were dark and his skin was pale.

He took a deep breath, which sent him into a coughing fit. A few seconds later the doctor came in with a glass of water.

"Here drink this," he said in a comforting tone. Niall took a few sips, then the doctor put the cup on the table. "I'm guessing we don't need a re-introduction?" He asked as he sat down on the side of Niall's bed.

Niall shook his head, "No we don't, Dr Marcs... What happened?"

"It's more like what _didn't_ happen, and the answer to that would be eating. Apparently you haven't eaten in days."

"I... I haven't been hungry,"

"Really? Hmm. Well, your body is telling me a different story. It's telling me that if you don't eat then you'll die,"

Dr Marcs waited for a reply from Niall, but it didn't come so Dr Marc's continued, "Is that what you want? Do you want to die?"

Niall's eye instantly filled with tears he wouldn't let fall.

Dr Marcs sighed,"I know it's been tough on you Niall, but you, unlike most of the other prisoners here, will get out one day. You will have freedom again,"

Silence filled the air for a few seconds, than Niall began to speak, "The first three months... All they did was yell the things they wanted to do to me. Then they... did it,"

Dr Marcs was the doctor who took care of Niall after he was raped. He had been working as the prison doctor for twelve years and had never seen someone hurt as badly as Niall was. Then he had taken care of Niall after he had been beaten up by Carl and Zack. The doctor knew why Niall was in prison, but he couldn't help but feel bad for him. He knew what Niall had done was wrong, but he also knew that Niall belonged in private prison... Not in a prison with men twice his size who were probably bitter because Niall's life up until this point had been better then theirs.

"I haven't eaten much since then," Niall added, still not letting the tears in his eyes fall.

"You have a brother right?"

Niall nodded,

"You really think he would want you to starve yourself?"

"He wouldn't care,"

"Well what about your band mates? Would they want you to starve yourself?"

"I just... I don't want to starve myself... It's just easier not to eat, because when I do I feel... I feel like I'm gonna throw up... And sometimes I do,"

"Is it because your afraid what happened to you before will happen to you again?"

"No," Niall said mournfully, "It's because I know what happened before will happen again,"

There was another brief silence. Dr Marcs would have loved to be able to tell Niall that what happened before wouldn't happen again, but he couldn't say that... Because like it or not, the truth was that Niall was probably right.

Dr Marcs stood up, "I've got you hooked on an IV right now. It'll help some. Make you a little stronger. I'm gonna keep you here for 48 hours,"

"48?" Niall questioned, "For passing out?"

"Well if you want to go back to your cell, I can unhook your IV and let you go," Dr Marcs said, although he didn't mean a word of it.

"No!" Niall shot back, "No! 48 hours is fine,"

"That's what I thought," He began to walk out of the room as Niall noticed that his hands were free.

"Um, aren't I supposed to be cuffed to the bed or something?" He asked

"Niall, I doubt you could even fully sit up by yourself right now. I think were all safe without you in cuffs. Now go to sleep for a while... I will be back later with jell-o which you are going to eat, even if I have to force feed you,"

"Yes, sir," Niall replied as his eyelids dropped and a tear escaped his eye.

_Forty-eight hours... Forty-eight hours without having to worry. I never thought I would love a hospital so much_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_He could only stare in horror as the steering wheel turned and the car swerved into the opposite side of the road. The bright lights of the truck light up the interior of the car. He knew if he turned his head he would see the panic on his band mates faces. He could hear their yells of terror and he could feel the cold fear chill him to the core. 'Are we going to die?' Was his last thought as the truck and car collide and the white hot pain erupted through his body.... Then it all went black._

_Not much time passed until he woke up. He couldn't feel any pain and he panicked, from his limited medical knowledge not feeling pain was worse then feeling it. Was he paralysed? He tried to move his arm, and froze at the weird and painful ripping feeling he got when he did. This was good right? At least he wasn't paralysed._

_He could hear someone moving about near him and his mind turned to his band mates. He needed to help them. Make sure they were alright._

_He opened his eyes and felt that ripping feeling again. Was this going to happen every time he moved something? He blinked and didn't feel the feeling. Encouraged he moved his head up but stopped when he felt the feeling in his head neck and shoulders. He could see more though, now he could see Niall in the drivers seat next to him. Weird._

_He watched Niall feeling the relief as he realised that aside from being slightly battered he was alright. Niall reached over to him. Neither of them spoke a word. As Niall grasped his wrist moving his hands around as if checking for a pulse. This confused him, but he still didn't speak although he was unsure why cause he wanted to, but he didn't. Did that make sense? Niall abruptly let go of his wrist and placed an ear on his chest. Niall left it there for a few minutes before pulling back with tears in his eyes before collapsing into sobs. He understood, the relief of surviving was overwhelming and he wanted to cry with joy too._

_He moved himself into a sitting position, ignoring the painful ripping feeling in his chest, arms and waist. Turning his upper body he could see Louis sprawled across the back seat, he wasn't moving and he feared Louis was dead until he saw the constant rising and falling of Louis chest. He placed his hand down on the seat but frowned when he felt something that wasn't the seat._

_His eyes looked to where his hand was and he froze. No! He had to be dreaming. How was this even possible? His hand rested on top of a human body. The brown curly hair and vivid green eyes were all to familiar. After all, he had seen them in the mirror all the time._

_They were his own._

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Since the crash Louis's popularity had gone down. He received more hate then he did before, even though Niall was one driving the car, fans still blamed Louis for the crash. He tried not to let them get to him. He constantly reminded himself that if it was this bad for him, then it would be twenty times worse for Niall.

However, reading something and hearing it is two very different things. No amount of mental preparing could have prepared him for the greeting, if you could call it that, that the three One Direction member received.

To it's credit though, his first interview since the crash wasn't too bad. The interviewer was nice and sympathised with the loss of Harry, claiming he was 'a great man and didn't deserve to go so soon'. She wished them all luck for the future and even told them to say hi to Niall for her.

After the interview all four of them sat and talked about a lot of things. Just before they were about to leave, she handed them her card saying, "If you ever want to talk about it, here's my card. I know what it's like to have someone you love in prison," 

"Oh, who was it?" Zayn asked

"My boyfriend,"

Louis wanted to reply but they didn't have much more time and the guards were trying to usher them out of the building.

The 'fans' were gone by the time they got out but they had certainly left their mark. 

Spray painted onto their vehicle was the word **Killer**


	10. You're Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry tells Niall he shouldn't of lied

After staring at the car for a few minutes Louis took a deep breath, calming his anger and walked up to it. Calmly he traced the lettering on the vehicle, then he walked back to Zayn and Liam. Everyone was watching him but he ignored them all.

"They haven't even got half the artistic talent you've got," he joked to Zayn. Ignoring how both him and Liam were gawking at him.

"If I was going to try redecorate someone else's vehicle then I would at least make sure it looked nice,"

He chuckled and tried not to grin too wide when Zayn answered with a grin of his own.

"I know what you mean Louis. The colour doesn't even suit."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry didn't have much time to question why he was staring at his either unconscious or dead self, all the questions running through his head like _what the hell_ were pushed to the side as a cop car pulled up alongside theirs.

The police officer walked up to the car and Niall opened the door. Harry shifted so he could understand what was happening better but stopped when the burning ripping feeling came through his lower half. Instead he had to content himself to just listening to what Niall was saying to the officer.

"-ving home from a party and Harry, he's in the passenger seat, smelt alcohol on mine and Louis, the one in the backs, breath-" Harry heard Niall explain to the cop.

_What? I don't remember smelling alcohol on Niall..._

"-distracted. I-I swerved and the car crashed."

"What?!" Harry yelled, luging at Niall ignoring the feeling in his legs.

_He was standing in a prison. Niall was a few feet in front of him being dragged out of the sight of the guards. Harry followed behind, rushing to save Niall but it was like they couldn't feel him when he punched one of the big guys. He yelled at them to stop as they shoved Niall to the ground and it was like they couldn't hear him either_

Harry blinked, what was that? Why would he imagine something like that happening to Niall? He looked to where Niall was sitting. He wasn't there. Harry panicked looking around wildly until he saw Niall being shoved roughly against the side of the car by the officer. Harry climbed over himself and over to Niall's side of the car.

He didn't register himself go straight through the wall of the car as he rushed to help his friend. He couldn't let them arrest Niall. He couldn't. He sprinted up to the officer who had pulled Niall's wrists behind him and was now cuffing them together. He reached out and grabbed the officers arm flying forward when the officer move his arm forward.

"Stop! He's lying, he's lying!" He yelled but neither Niall nor the officer reacted like they had heard him.

Harry frantically tugged back on the arm but nothing happened. It was almost like he had no strength at all.

"If you want to change things, then you have to get someone else to do it. You can't do anything," a deep voice said behind Harry.

He spun around, releasing the cops arm.

"What do you know?" He hissed at the man standing behind him."

"More then you do, that's obvious," the man smirked.

EMTs were rushing over to the car and officer Jerk-face was dragging Niall to the police vehicle.

Harry looked at the man in disbelief. The man sighed, "Look, I'll show you," he dragged Harry over to where the EMTs were. Two on them were loading Louis onto a stretcher while another one was leant checking his, Harry's, breathing and heart rate.

Together Harry and the man watched as the EMT lent back out and shouted, "This ones dead! We can't save him, he's been dead for to long!"

"No!" Harry yelled moving toward his body. "I'm alive! I'm alive see! I'm not dead!" No one made any indication that they had herd him, except the man.

Harry turned back to the man and folded his arms, attempting to look as threatening as he could, "What the hell is going on here?"

The man sighed, "I suppose you want me to explain it to you,"

Harry nodded, "Please,"

"First off, your dead I'm dead. Which explains why no-on can see you, feel you or hear you. Despite what you may have been told on earth, you are not a ghost. You can hold substances if you wish but you can also go through them too, except people! Animals and plants. You can't walk through them. In an essence you are still alive but your body, your shell has died and you spirit has detached from it. Do you follow?"

"Uh... I think so. But I thought when you died you went to heaven?"

"You do... Eventually. Sometimes it takes some people years until they get it. It really depends on God."

"He actually exists?,"

"Course kid, who do you think calls the shots?"

"Uh.. I don't know. I've never died before,"

The man laughed, "Come on kid. Grab onto my hand there's somewhere you need to go."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Thirteen more hours of observation and you should be good to go," Dr Marcs said as he entered the room carrying a bland looking soup on a tray.

"Yay," Niall replied in a small voice.

"But, until then, here is some soup. Actually, it's just broth with some pieces of chicken, but it's something,"

"Ah the joys of prison food,"

"Yes," Dr Marcs lay the tray beside Niall, "Now eat up,"

"I didn't keep the jell-o down, what makes you think I'll keep this down,"

"Correction! You didn't keep the jell-o down the first time. The second time was a success. You also kept down vanilla pudding, smashed peas and beef broth,"

"That sounds disgusting when you put them all together,"

Dr Marcs laughed, "Then don't think about it and eat your soup. I'll be back in an hour to make sure it's all gone,"

Niall sighed, defeated, and began to eat.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The last thirteen hours went by fast for Niall and soon he was back in his cell.

"You alright?" Dylan asked

"Yeah, I'm fine," Niall replied as he lay on his bed and closed his eyes, quickly falling asleep.

_"Hey, Niall!" Harry said happily as he walked up to him in their house._

_"Harry!" A smile appeared on Niall's face, "I didn't think I'd ever see you ever again."_

_"Why would you think that?"_

_"Because... You're dead."_

_"I know sucks doesn't it? Although it's not all bad I suppose," Harry laughed_

_"It's not funny Harry,"_

_"No it's not. But it happened and no-one can change it,"_

_"I wish I could,"_

_"Niall that's really sweet. You've already done enough for me, you shouldn't have lied"_

_Tears formed in Niall's eyes, "I really miss you Harry, your my little brother. I never meant for this to happen."_

_"I miss you too Niall, goodbye,"_

_"No! Wait! Harry don't go!"_

_But Harry didn't hear him, he was already gone._


	11. Help Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam tries to see Niall

Liam had the cab driver drop him off two blocks away from the prison. He slowly walked towards the prison that held his best friend. He knew that he had to visit him. _Harrys right_ he thought _I'm his best friend. I should be there for him._

He stopped as he neared the gates. It was as if he was frozen or that their was a glass wall in front of him, keeping him from moving forward. _Come on, you can do it. He needs you_ he tried to convince himself but it didn't help. Tears streamed down his face as he turned his back on the prison - on his best friend - and walked away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry had been dead for six hours and twenty-seven minutes and he still had to get used to the idea. In that amount of time and since the man (who he now knew as Gabriel) had left him in this waiting room like place. He had, had several visions. Most of these visions were based around Niall. He had seen ones where Niall was standing at trial with Liam and Zayn in the seats behind him, Niall talking to a man in his cell, Niall fainting, Niall being beaten up and one where heinous crimes were committed to Niall that Harry wished he could un see. There were also ones where Niall wasn't in them, like Louis trying to take a step and his own funeral. It was, to say the least, heartbreaking.

The visions weren't the worst though, on the t.v in the front of the room he had watched Louis be rushed to hospital, Zayn visiting Niall in his prison cell while Liam went to see what was happening with Louis. The worst of it had to be watching Laim and Zayn break when the doctor told them he was dead, seeing his family spend the night mourning his death and Niall crying himself to sleep cause he believed it was all his fault. It hurt knowing everyone you loved and cared about was hurting because of you and it made Harry wish more then ever he hadn't died.

He sighed. There was nothing he could do about it now.

He turned around in his seat and looked over all the rows of spirits that, like him, were waiting to be called before St Peter before they could enter heaven.

Although he hadn't been here as long as some, he still couldn't help but be worried when souls who had arrived after him were called to meet with St Peter. Most of them never returned. One time when he had tried to ask about it, he had been told politely but firmly to sit back down and wait.

A soul walked out of the door to the Judgement Room and called for attention. Actually the ones who weren't accepted were called Reapers but Harry couldn't bring himself to call them that, it sound so... Creepy.

"His lord almighty requests these following fledglings. You will follow the hallway and to your left, second door down, you will meet with St Peter. Please leave in an orderly manner. Tito Ortiz, Aroha Grahams, Jackie Olson and Harry Styles."

A few heads turned to Harry as he stood up and one girl muttered 'Oh my God, oh my God" over and over again. The Reaper looked at Harry apologetically, "Expect that for the next few years. For the ones who had you as their idol they will go into shock. She's probably the first of many. She idolised you guys right up until she died yesterday," 

Harry nodded, "How'd she die,"

The Reaper looked sad, "Beaten to death by some guys in an alleyway. Poor thing. She'll be here a few days so she can deal with the trauma and shock before we bring her back to her old self. A lot of sudden death victims are like that, you've got to get them to accept death before they can do anything."

"What about me? Didn't I die suddenly?"

"Yes you did, but you're different. Unfortunately you're needed sooner then expected. St Peter will explain it to you." After that the Reaper didn't say anything more to Harry and instead moved on to talk with one of the other souls who were called with Harry.

It didn't take much longer until they all reached the door to the judgement room. One by One they entered as the Reaper wished the good luck.

The room wasn't as large as Harry expected but it was bathed with a heavenly light streaming through the window, which had a stunning view of the gates to Heaven.

At the table in the middle of the room, facing towards them were two men. Harry somehow knew automatically that it was St Peter and St Paul. The outfits they were wearing were from the biblical days.

"Sit down, there's nothing to be afraid of," 

Nervously they all sat down and waited for further instructions.

"I know you probably all want to go to heaven but your time is not now. I have decided for you all to become Protectors,"

_What are they?_ Harry thought to himself

St Peter looked over at Harry and smiled,

"Protectors are assigned to a person or people who need them. Protectors will have many different jobs like helping their person acquire information, preventing the death of the person or even being an imaginary friend to a lonely child. I will teach you how to use the powers that have been given to you, so you can complete these tasks. You will soon start receiving visions which will help you find out who you are supposed to help and what will happen so you know how to help them. Harry we know you've already started getting them is that right?"

Harry nodded, _how did he know that?_

"We could tell when we saw you in the waiting room. Do you know who it is yet?"

Harry swallowed thickly, _can he read my thoughts?_

"N-Niall, it-it's Niall, isn't it?"

"Yes. Now Aroha like Harry, your person is someone close to you and you should be getting visions soon. Not as soon as Harry has since his person is in a different situation."

The girl, who Harry assumed was Aroha, nodded.

"Tito and Jackie, both of you get to decide who the person you help is. You will wonder the Earth until you find someone who needs you."

"How will we know the person we're supposed to help?" Tito asked

"You will have to learn to recognise peoples needs and do something about them. Everything else like communicating with the living, traveling through time, walking through objects and teleporting. There are rules that come with them. Follow them cause they were put down for a reason."

They all nodded

St Paul smiled, "Good, follow me and we can begin our lesson,"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Stop! Stop it!" Niall cried out in pain. He knew the screaming wouldn't help, but he couldn't remain quiet. It was too painful. "Please, stop!" He continued, his voice became weaker. He could feel the cold pool of blood around his body, mixing with the water that poured from the shower heads. He felt the weight of one man lift off him. He hoped it was over, but soon enough more weight was on him and the searing pain shot through him again.

"No, no, no, no, no, n-" his voice was barely a whisper now, and soon enough he had no voice at all. His eyes closed as he feel unconscious.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_"Vas hapnin?"_

_Zayn looked up in shock, "Harry?"_

_Harry laughed, "Why is everyone so surprised to see me when I do this? I know I'm dead but come on!"_

_"That's it, you're dead and who's ever heard of someone dead communicating with them after they died? We're going crazy!"_

_"I thought Louis told you what I told him,"_

_"It wasn't much, and it still sounds crazy,"_

_"I know. I wouldn't believe it if it wasn't happening. I wouldn't even know if it weren't... that Niall needs us,"_

_Zayn frowned at Harry's sudden serious tone, "What do you mean?"_

_"I can't tell you, Niall has to do it himself or you have to figure it out for yourself, it's in the rules. I've seen it though and I warn you it's not good."_

_"Oh, what can I do about it?"_

_"Just be there for him. Visit him when you can. He needs you."_  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"What the hell took the guards so long to get there?"

"I don't know, sir,"

"It's disgusting! The boy is nineteen years old. Three men had their way with him before anyone stopped them! Three!"

"I know, sir. But he's gonna make it,"

"Yeah, just barely,"

Niall's eyes flickered open at the sounds on Dr Marcs and one of the nurses conversation, but they didn't notice.

"There is only so much a person can deal with," Dr Marcs continued, "What about when he gets out of here? ... If he makes it out of here. He's gonna be so traumatised. It's just... sick! Those guards are paid to guard, not just stand around and do nothing!"

"They don't all just stand around, sir. The ones who helped him are very good men."

"Yes. Very good men who had to go from one side of the prison to the other, because the guards who are supposed to be at the showers weren't there!"

Niall tried to remain silent, but he had to cough. The sound of his cough made the nurse and the doctor slightly jump in surprise. "I'm going to make my rounds," the nurse said as she left the room.

Dr Marcs walked over to Niall, "How long were you awake?"

"Long enough, how long was I asleep?"

"Four days. That was mostly my fault though. I gave you sedative through an IV. Just stopped them this morning. How do you feel?"

"Foggy... and thirsty."

Dr Marcs picked up a cup of water off a tray that was by Niall's head. "Here you go. It's new water, I promise." Niall tried to hold the cup up by himself but his hands were shaking, so Dr Marcs helped him. After Niall took a few sips of the water Dr Marcs took the cup and put it back on the tray.

"Three men?" Niall questioned, trying to hide the shaking in his voice. "I only remember two,"

"You passed out,"

"I guess that's a good thing then,"

"Would you like me to bring a phone in here?" Dr Marcs asked, "So you can call your attorney?"

"Call him for what?"

"To tell him what happened."

Niall gave a sad laugh, "What can he do? Get them thrown in solitary for a few weeks? I don't think so. They just cam out angrier the. When they went in,"

"Niall, you can't just let them get away with it,"

"Dr Marcs, most of them are in here twenty-five to life. They aren't afraid of anything. There is nothing my attorney or anyone else can do," Niall whispered sadly

Dr Marcs didn't know what to say. There really wasn't anything he could say. Even if he didn't want to admit it, Niall was right.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It took a while for all of them to get over the spray painting episode and ever since then Liam had been different. More quieter and less judgmental toward Niall. They hadn't really communicated much, which right now suited Zayn. Three nights ago he had dreamed Harry told him to visit Niall in prison. Now he was finally acting on it.

"Who are you here to see?" The officer behind the desk asked in montone.

"Niall Horan,"

"Alright," He typed Niall's name in the computer, "He was discharged from hospital today. I'll tell the guard to get him,"

"Wait!" Zayn yelled, "Discharged from the hospital? What for?"

The guard sighed and looked at Zayn in sympathy, "It's best if you hear it from him,"

Zayn shivered, it sounded so much like Harry's words.

_"I can't tell you, Niall has to do it himself-"_

_"I've seen it though and I warn you it's not good-"_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ten minutes later and Niall was walking down to where Zayn was seated in the visitors area. Niall had to walk slow, because he was still healing. Under his eyes was dark from lack of sleep and he felt like all his insides were burning. Dr Marcs fought to keep him in the hospital for a few more days, but he lost the battle and the made Niall go back to his cell.

Niall sat down slowly and looked at Zayn, who was speechless from trying to control his anger. How could anyone hurt someone this bad, especially Niall.

"Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see you and you look terrible! Niall what hap-"

"Did Liam and Louis come to?" Niall asked, not letting Zayn finish the sentence.

"No, I don't know where they are so I came to see you alone. Niall, the officer out front told me you go out of hospital today. What happened?"

Niall shook his head, "Its no big deal. Just wasn't eating enough I guess,"

"I'm not buying it. You used to have a massive apatite and now you can barely walk or sit down,"

"I... I'm just a little weak, that's all. I promise, I'm fine. So, how are you?"

Zayn sighed, he knew Niall was lying. He let it drop, maybe he could get Harry to tell him next time he appeared. _Was this why Harry wanted him to see Niall again?_

"Is the band going okay? Are you doing any concerts soon?"

"We're not a band without you and Harry. One Direction is over,"

"I'm so sorry, this is all my fault,"

"Niall, are you sure you're okay?"

"As good as I can be considering..."

Zayn looked hard at Niall, "It's not good is it? And don't lie, I want the truth"

Niall looked sadly into Zayn's eyes "No, it's not good,"


	12. Assumption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn has his suspicions

Thirty minutes later, Zayn left the prison feeling worse then before he had gone in. Niall hadn't told him the truth about what had happened. Zayn pushed and pushed but Niall said no. _There goes what Harry said,_ Zayn thought, _how am I ever supposed to find out if Niall and Harry won't tell me._ After ten minutes Zayn had given up, he didn't want to make Niall upset when he was already so... broken. He decided it was best to leave him alone, even though not knowing what had happened to Niall was killing him.

_'Liam... I should go to see Liam. Normally I would. I don't want to see him anymore. Liam's acting like a baby. How could he not see Niall? His best friend?'_

"Are you getin in or not?" Zayn was pulled out of his thoughts by the taxi driver. He hadn't realised he had hailed a taxi while he was thinking.

"Sorry," Zayn got into the back seat.

"Where to?"

Zayn sighed and relayed the address of their house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Zayn! There you are!" Louis yelled the minute Zayn walked through the door. He grabbed onto Zayn's hand and dragged him into living room.

Zayn walked over and sat down by Liam and looked at Louis, "What's going on Lou?" He asked

"You remember that interviewer we had last week?"

Liam and Zayn both nodded. How could they forget?

"Harry visited me in a dream and he wanted me to call her. So I did. Her boyfriend went to prison for drugs. He committed suicide not long after he got out. He was in there for ten years, so I asked about how he got laid. She told me the men just fucked each other,"

Zayn held back a gasp.

_'He can't be... They wouldn't!'_ He thought to himself although he never completed the thoughts. It was to horrible to think about. _'What if they are... Wasn't there this article about... Guys getting... raped in prison? No! No! Zayn don't think like that! That wouldn't happen to Nialler! Just stop thinking... but what if?'_

Liam stood up and Zayn did too, "That's bull, Louis. That reporter was feeding you a load of crap," Liam yelled, _'Why was he so mad?',_

Zayn took a breath, "What if Louis right?"

Liam turned his fiery gaze on Zayn, "I just came from visiting Niall... If you care. He looks horrible, by the way. I'm not sure but after what Louis said, I think he's being raped," Zayn was blunt. He had to get through to Liam, he didn't know why he just had to.

"What?" Liam and Louis whispered

"What I am sure of though is that he's being beaten... regularly. I know you won't go and see him but I thought you might want an update." He spat in Liam's face before turning and walking away.

Zayn went to his room and flopped on his bed, "Zayn! Wait!" Louis shouted and Zayn wiped his face quickly, holding back more tears as he turned to face Louis. "What?"

"Do you really think that's happening to our Baby Nandos?" Louis asked, hugging Zayn.

Zayn buried his head in Louis neck, "I... I don't know. I went there today an... and I was told he had just been released from hospital. He could... he could barely walk and he wouldn't say what happened."

He rubbed Louis back as they both sobbed, both thinking. _What has happened to us?_

Meanwhile, Liam stood frozen facing the door Louis and Zayn had walked out of. He had been staring at Zayn, but his eyes couldn't move so he continued to stare. His thoughts weren't clear, all jumbled up into one untidy mess. He didn't know whether to cry, scream, throw something or do all three. So, he stood there, for well over an hour.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry felt sick, here he was a ghost with maybe-not-so-awesome powers and he couldn't do anything. No! He was bound by the rules not to interfere. Instead he had stood by and watched one of his best friends get gang-raped in prison, while he did nothing.

He sighed. It wasn't fair. Niall didn't deserve any of this.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_"Loubear!"_

_Louis turned around as his name was called out._

_"Hazzabear!" He called before being tackled in a tight hug._

_Louis laughed cheerfully, "It's good to see you!"_

_"I can't really say that since I've been watching you for most of the day." Harry smirked but it didn't quite reach his eyes._

_Louis fake gasped and swatted Harry's head, "You cheeky bastard!" But lost his cheerfulness when he saw that Harry was upset, "What is it Haz, is it Liam? Cause I can whoop his ass for ya, he's been asking for it for a long time!"_

_Harry gave a sad sort of grin, "No, it's not that. It's just everything, with this whole power and shit. I'm supposed to be helping but I don't think I am. How can I help someone when I can't prevent the important stuff from happening,"_

_Louis wrapped Harry in a tight hug, his mind going a million miles every second. Eventually Harry pulled back and Louis made up his mind to ask Harry._

_"Harry, is Zayn right? Was Niall actually raped?"_

_Harry opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, he started choking.  
Louis moved towards Harry to help him out, but he was gone.  
_  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A guard approached Niall's cell, "Niall Horan?"

Niall was on his bed, staring at the wall, he looked up, "Yes?"

"Your attorney is here. Come on."

"My attorney," Niall questioned, "Why?"

The guard gave Niall a _'How should I know?'_ look, "I'm here to take you to him, that's all. Come on,"

Niall got up with a sigh and headed to the conference room with the guard.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"What are you doing here?" Niall asked once he was in the room with James.

"I need to talk to you,"

"About what?"

"Come over here," he motioned to the chair across from him, "Sit," his voice was calm and kind, something Niall now wasn't used to hearing.

He sat down and repeated his question, "About what?"

"How long have you been here, Niall?"

Niall placed his elbows not the table and rubbed his eyes, "I don't know... Forever... Why?"

"You've been here nine months and two days."

"And?" Niall asked raising his hands in question.

"And you haven't been in any trouble,"

"Depends on who you ask," Niall mumbled

James sighed, "What I mean is that you haven't caused any trouble,"

"I'm sorry, is there a point to this?"

"Yes, there is. Believe it or not judges take notice of these sorts of things,"

Niall thought for a moment then asked timidly, "Can I ask you something?"

James nodded, "Of course,"

"In the beginning, when I was... hurt, by those men," Niall stopped.

"I remember,"

"You said they would be in solitary for six months. They weren't even in there for a full month. Why?"

"Unfortunately, judges take notice of that too... If solitary becomes too full they will allow certain prisoners out to let other ones in. However, whoever that judge was, is not the judge who took notice of your record,"

"Yay," Niall said without a trace of happiness in his voice.

"If you go through the next six months without a hint of trouble, you have the possibility of getting out,"

The information made Niall's eyes widen, but he remained silent.

James continued, "You would be on probation for a year but after that you would be free,"

"Are... are you serious?" Niall asked in disbelief.

"I am,"

"In six months..."

"You could be back in your own bed, wearing your own clothes and living a normal life,"

Niall's eyes began to fill with tears, it was almost a reflex now to hold them back, because... you don't cry in prison. He took a deep breath and replied in a quiet tone, "I don't think I can remember what that's like,"


	13. Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perri breaks up with Zayn

Louis hurried back to Harrys room. The minute he got there he let go of the tears he had been holding in. He sunk down to the floor with his back against the door. He pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his head in his hands. He was crying so hard that he was almost hyperventilating. He wasn't sure what he was crying for. Was it Zayn and Liam? Or Niall and Harry? Was it because he was so tired all the time? Or was it all of the above? He felt so overwhelmed. His whole life had changed over a small moment in time. A moment he couldn't remember.

He continued to cry for hours. He didn't even realise he had moved from the floor to his bed. He feel asleep as he cuddled Harry's pillow and Niall's jersey, tears still leaking from his eyes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Six months? Really?"

"That's what he said!"

"That's crazy, kid!" Dylan and Niall were lying in their beds talking. It was around eight fifty-five. Almost time for lights out.

"... I know, I don't deserve it,"

"Come on. Don't start talking like that. Everyone deserves a second chance... Okay, maybe not the guys in cell blocks two and seven... But everyone else."

Niall laughed... It was a forced laugh, but a laugh nonetheless.

"You deserve it," Dylan continued "If I had the chance to get out of here... Man, things would be different for me. I'd get a job, find a wife, have a family. I'd have one of those picture perfect two story houses with the white picket fence... And I'd find the families of the people I killed and I'd apologise. Yeah, I'll be a whole different guy. You still have that chance, Niall. Take it, run, and don't look back."

"You're right... Oprah!"

"Oi, don't make me start having to beat you up," Dylan joked

"Lights out!" The guy yelled. Everything went dark. Niall turned on his side and was soon fast asleep.

_"I hear you get out soon," Harry said with a smile as him and Niall sat on a bench in a park._

_He looked around, "How did I get here?"_

_"Same way you did, your head," Harry playfuly knocked the back of his head, "So, what are you going to do?"_

_"When?"_

_"When you get out?"_

_Niall sighed, "I don't know. Live on the street somewhere, I suppose. My mum and Liam hates my guts so I can't go back to either home. Everyone else is out of the question. No-one wants to share a house with a murderer."_

_Harry shook his head, "You're so negative, Niall. When did that happen? You used to be so happy,"_

_"... That was before I killed you. I'm sorry, Harry. I am so sorry,"_

_"Would you stop it," Harry clenched his fists, he tried to calm his voice when Niall flinched back. "I ignored you the last two times you tried to apologise. Why would I let you do it now? You don't need my forgiveness. Niall, you need to forgive yourself. Things won't get better until you do,"_

_"I... I can't,"_

_"Yes, you can. Use some of that leprechaun magic of yours,"_

Niall's eyes opened suddenly. He wasn't ready for the dream to end, but apparently the dream was ready to be over.

He sighed as he moved to lie on his back. He winced at the pain that was still in his body. Tears once again stung at his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. Even when it was dark, it was never okay to cry in prison.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Fuck!" Harry cried as he lost the connection to Niall. It had taken almost all of his energy to keep the connection going. He felt weak but he struggled to watch Niall as he moved in his bed, not missing the wince his friend let out. 

Harry winced as well. He wanted nothing more to wrap Niall into a great big hug and protect him from his troubles. But he was dead. He couldn't do anything. Just sit and watch as his friends all suffered. He took a shaky step towards Niall but it was too much effort. 

He wasn't too worried. Lately this had been happening a lot. Ever since he had opened his mouth to tell Louis the truth, he had struggled to make the connection and teleporting had been a greater effort. He wasn't sure what was happening. Was this normal?

A Reaper materialised in front of him. She took one look at Harry and almost recoiled back in horror. 

"Whatever have you done to yourself?" She asked

"Nothing," Harry tried to say but it was slurred together.

She reached forward and wrapped him tight in her arms, "Come on. We must get you out of here,"

"No! I can't leave now! I need to save him!" Harry tried to call out but he doubted if she could understand what he was saying. Even to his own ears it sound incoherent.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Two weeks went by. Louis, Zayn and Liam were becoming more reclusive. The only times they ever left there rooms was meal times and then they would go back to their rooms and sleep. Although sometimes one of them would leave and get drunk. It seemed that without Harry or Niall they were all falling apart.

Perri knocked on Zayn's door. It was a conversation she had been avoiding for a while, but she knew it couldn't wait any longer. It was very apparent that Zayn was not going to come and see her any time soon.

Zayn got out of bed. When he reached the doorknob it seemed that he almost lacked the strength to turn it, but he did.

"Hey Perri," he said sleepily.

"Zayn, do you mind if I come in?"

Zayn moved out of the way so Perri could come inside.

"Is something wrong?"

"No... Well something is,"

Zayn was suddenly more alert, "Is it Niall?"

"Yes! Well it's more about you, babe,"

"Oh... Is it cause I don't come and see you anymore?"

Perri nodded, "Thats exactly it,"

"Oh"

"What's the matter Zayn? I understand you're sad that Harry died but you've got to move on! It happened months ago! I miss you Zee,"

"Honestly?"

Perri folded her arms, "That would be nice,"

Zayn sighed and sat on his bed, "I have no idea what's wrong. Well I mean I do, but I don't"

Perri sat down next to Zayn, "Care to explain?"

"Some of it is Niall. Some of it's Liam... But I just keep getting more and more tired. Everything I do is making me tired. Turning doorknobs, writing, chewing, typing, talking, walking to the bathroom. All of it exhausts me,"

"Have you gone to see a doctor?"

Zayn shook his head, "No. I don't feel sick. And what's weird was that when I went to see Niall a few weeks ago... I wasn't tired then. Not until I left to go home. The thought of seeing Liam just made me want to lie on the sidewalk and go to sleep. But going to see Niall... I never felt tried, maybe angry or worried but not tired.

"Zayn," Perri replied, "It sounds to me as though your depressed. Have you told anyone else about it?"

"Oh, please! I can't tell Louis or Liam anything. Louis misses Harry too much and you can't tell Liam anything anymore."

"Look, Zayn. I can't deal with this right now, we've got a big tour coming up and I can't deal with your problems anymore. Until you can pull yourself together we are over."

"W-What?"

"I'm going to talk to Liam, you guys need to pull yourselves together."

Perri left the room and Zayn watched out the window until he was sure she was gone. Then he quietly opened the door and headed for the nearest pub.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry banged his fist against the wall of the white room. He didn't know how long it had been but he was ready to leave. Since the Reaper had brought him back here, he had regained all of his energy back. Apparently ghosts had energy limits too and although it lasted longer then a mortals, they still needed to take a break every now and again. He had regained most of it quite a while ago, he wasn't sure why he was still here. He felt fine.

_All he could see was blood. He had been there a while. The knob of the door turned slowly then the banging started. "Open up! I need to pee!" Louis yelled, there was a moment of silence then the door clicked open, "Niall!" Louis yelled, looking right through Harry, unconsciously pushing him away._

Since he had gained his energy back he had been having more and more visions of Niall dying. The worst vision was undoubtedly when he watched Niall die.

_Harry stood, unmoving, as he watched himself looking at Niall's empty blue orbs and sobbing uncontrollably. For a few minutes Niall lay still then suddenly he began to move. Harry nearly shrieked in excitement until he saw Niall wince. Niall moved his arm again and Harry watched himself grab it and pull the arm out of Niall's arm. Slowly the rest of Niall's spirt came out of his body. Harry felt like crying at his friend finished the dying process. Now there was no chance of Niall ever being alive again._

"Long time no see," Gabriel smirked from behind Harry. Harry spun around and smiled. He was still not quite used to the whole materialising thing.

"Does this mean I can go?"

Gabriel moved forward and unlocked the cuff from Harry's wrist. Worried that Harry would try to save his friends before he was healed completely, someone had attached a cuff to Harry's wrist so he couldn't materialise until it was taken off.

"It sure does, kid. Just take care of yourself. You're no use to your friends if you're locked up in here."

Harry didn't reply, he just vanished.

"I give him three weeks tops before he's back again. Even that's pushing it." Gabriel muttered with a small grin, "Kid, sure loves his friends."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

One week passed and now Harry was back, Louis pulled himself out of his slump. Liam still hadn't spoken to Zayn, he had tried to but Zayn had gone out of his way to avoid him.

Zayn came out of his room and sighed when he saw Liam standing there, "I'm just going out," he said as he tried to walk past Liam.

"No, you won't. Sit!" Liam said firmly as he lightly pushed Zayn in the direction of the couch.

Zayn sighed and sat on the couch, "What?"

"What?" Liam repeated, "What do you mean what? Do you realised what has happened? Perri broke up with you!"

"I know,"

"That's it? You know... you don't have anything else to say?"

"What do you want me to say?" Zayn asked in a much too calm voice

"Why! Tell me why your acting like you don't care! You're girlfriend broke up with you Zayn, you were thinking of marrying her! She told me you're constantly tired and may be depressed! I just want some answers!"

Zayn glared at him, "Why should I? You don't listen anymore!" He exclaimed, his anger beginning to come through. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Louis sneak into the room to see what all the commotion was.

"What makes you think I won't listen to you?"

Zayn stood up so he was at eye level with Liam, "Because you never do anymore! My problem involves Niall, but you don't want to hear anything about him. You won't even acknowledge him as your friend anymore! I've been to see him and seen the bruises and the weird way he has to walk and sit down because he's been hurt so badly. And I've seen how sad he looks whenever you're mentioned, but when I start to tell him that you're wrong, you know what he does? He stands up for you! You may not think of Niall as your friend anymore but I still do. He's my brother, my best friend. I love him and hate to see him hurting! I told you I want to see him! I've tried to respect you as friend and not see him cause you don't want me to, but I love him and it hurts me to see he's hurting! Yes! I'm sad Perri broke up with me but I'm more concerned about our Nialler!"

With tears in his eyes Zayn walked back to his room slamming it shut behind.

"Zayn's right!" Louis said, raising his hand, "You are an asshole!" He brought his hand down on Liam's face.

"Whether you like it or not, I'm going to see Niall."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Liam waited a few minutes before following Zayn into his room. He place a hand to his cheek, Louis and Zayn are right I'm an asshole, he thought.

"I'm sorry," He said as he stood in the doorway. Zayn was lying on his bed facing the wall. "I know it isn't enough but I hope it's an okay place to start."

He walked over to Zayn's bed and sat down on Zayn's side. "Can I explain my side to you?"

Zayn didn't reply,

"Can you at least turn in my direction?"

After a few minutes Zayn rolled over and Liam recoiled in shock at the pure anger his eyes held. Zayn wouldn't look at Liam, he looked straight past him, but somehow Liam felt that he was listening.

"Thank you," Liam took a deep breath, "I've always tried to live up to my name of Daddy Direction. I know Lou's the eldest but I always feel like I am and that I must look after you. To keep you safe, but not be overprotective. We've come so far since X-Factor and I'm proud of everything we've achieved. Yeah, we messed up from time to time, but it was always little things. When I got the phone call about Lou, Ni and Haz I just... my heart fell, it felt like it was all my fault. I got to the hospital as fast as I could. I didn't know Niall was driving then. I found that out when I got there. When I saw Lou in the hospital bed," Tears feel from Liam's eyes, "They didn't know if he'd make it or not. I was sitting with him when the police came in. I had been told earlier that Niall was okay, that he had been taken to the station to give a description of what happened to the cops. When they came inside the room, I got this gut feeling like something bad was about to happen. They told me Niall had been arrested for drinking under the influence, which killed Harry in the process, who up until then I had heard nothing about. At that moment I felt like the biggest failure. I had failed to keep them safe. I've tried to see Niall, but I've been afraid. I'm afraid Niall will hate me cause I didn't protect him well enough. I'm sorry I've failed you guys. I should have done better. I'm sorry."

There was silence for a moment the. Zayn spoke.

"Don't lie to me Liam, that sounds like a cop-out to me."

Liam looked at Zayn, confusion on his face.

"You're scared to see him," Zayn explained, "You don't want the fact that Niall is in prison to fully hit you. Right now, in you're head, you can see him as the same Niall he always was. If you go to see him, all those thoughts will be wiped by how he looks, acts and feels now. I'm not saying I don't believe you. I do. It's just there's more to it then what you told me,"

Liam nodded, Zayn was right. That was exactly what he was afraid of. Liam silently thanked the stars that Zayn was better at reading him then he was at reading himself.

Liam pulled Zayn up and gave him a hug. Tears from his eyes as they both silently cried. It lasted a couple of minutes until they both stopped crying.

Liam stood up. As he was beginning to leave the room. Zayn stopped him, "Liam?"

"Yeah?"

"If you want we could come with you... to see Niall, I mean. Whenever your ready."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**Three days later...**

Liam stepped out of the taxi. Zayn was at home and he had no idea where Louis was. He had told Zayn he was going to run some errands... Which he needed to do, but he had an important stop to make first.

"Who are you here to see?" The officer behind the counter asked.

"Niall, Niall Horan."


	14. The Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam goes to see Niall

Liam anxiously waited for Niall to be brought in by one of the guards. His heart was pounding and he was desperately trying to control his shaking hands. He took deep breaths to try and stop his heart from beating so fast. He was looking down at his hands as his fingers dwindled. He didn't even hear Niall approach.

"Liam?" He said as he stared in disbelief.

His head popped up, "Niall! H-hey," He was shocked by Niall's appearance. He didn't even look like the same Niall anymore. He was so pale, so scrawny, so... different.

Niall slowly sat down, not taking his eyes off Liam, he was all too worried that he would wake up and realise that this was just a dream. "Hi, I... I didn't think you'd be the one here."

"I couldn't stay away any longer," Liam smiled, but it was only half hearted and gone as quickly as it came.

"I... I'm glad you're here,"

"Really?" Liam asked astonished,

Niall nodded, "I missed you,"

It took all of Liam's mental strength not to wrap Niall in a massive hug. "I've missed you too. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, Ni. I was afraid you'd hate me and blame me for the accident, and you wouldn't want me here,"

"Hate you? I couldn't hate you! I'm the idiot that crashed the car,"

"But I'm Daddy Direction, I'm supposed to protect you. I'm supposed to keep you four idiots in line and remind you to be responsible. I didn't do my job!"

Niall couldn't believe what he was hearing, "Liam, the only thing you've ever done wrong is mix up the salt and sugar in that cake you tried to bake," They both laughed for moment, then Niall sighed "What I did... That was my decision. Mine. You shouldn't be thinking that any of it is your fault,"

"I can't believe you're giving me a pep talk from prison,"

Niall smiled and for a second, just for a second, Liam saw the Niall he knew. The Niall who gave the best hugs, who loved food, who came to him when the hate got to much. Now he was behind bars. He couldn't come to Liam when he was in pain. He couldn't hug him...

"Liam. Liam? You okay?"

Liam was bought out of his thoughts, "Oh... I'm fine, how are you?"

"I... I'm okay," that was probably the biggest lie Niall had ever told. He was anything but okay. "I have something to tell you though. I didn't want to before, but now that you've come to see me, you should know,"

"Okay,"

"I could... In six months I... I could get out,"

Liam's eyes widened, "What? Are you serious?"

"That's what James told me. He said that because of my good behaviour I could get released early,"

"That's awesome! ... Why weren't you going to tell me before?"

"Well, how you thought I'd hate you... I thought you hated me. I thought you wouldn't want me to come back home,"

"Don't think like that Ni, of course I want you home," Liam replied, "I want that more then anything else,"

Niall smiled, "Even Harry coming back from the dead?"

Liam laughed, "Okay... Make it the second thing I want more then anything else,"

"I love you Li,"

"I love you too, Ni,"

They kept talking for a few more minutes until the guard came to take Niall back to his cell.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Liam entered the house carrying a couple of groceries, "Hey," he said to Zayn and Louis.

"Hey, Liam. Where've you been?" Louis asked

"Shopping,"

"For this long?" Zayn asked incredulously

Liam smiled, "I had to make a pit stop... I went to see Niall,"

Neither Zayn nor Louis could believe it,

"You... you what?" Zayn asked

"Went to see Niall,"

"And... and you're smiling? Are you sure you saw the right kid?" Louis asked

Liam walked over to the couch and sat down. The smile had now faded, "I'm sure. I can see what you're so worried about. He doesn't look... like himself anymore. But, I'm happy. Maybe not the happiest person alive, but I'm happy."

"Why?" Louis and Zayn asked

"Niall doesn't hate me. He knows I don't hate him, and in six months his room will be occupied again."

Zayn leapt to his feet in anger, "You will not replace Niall!"

Liam laughed, "Relax, I would never replace Niall,"

"So what? Did you get Danielle pregnant?" Louis asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"No, no she's not. We broke up months ago. Niall might be able to come home soon,"

"You're kidding!" They said at once and Liam tried to hold down a laugh,

"I thought it was at first too. It's true though,"

"That's great!" Louis exclaimed in excitement, while Zayn just smiled.

"I know... Lads, I want to thank you for giving me the strength to go see Niall,"

"What do you mean?" Louis asked

"If it weren't for you both making me realise how selfish I was being, I wouldn't have gone to see him. He would still think I hated him, and when he got out he'd probably end up on the street somewhere or back in Ireland. Thank you,"

"No problem man,"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry watched silently as Niall lay in his bed, for the first time since he was he had arrived in prison Niall looked... relaxed. And Harry was happy about it, this was a step forward. Already his visions were beginning to change and instead of Louis finding Niall hours to late it was Zayn and Liam finding Niall before he was completely gone.

 _Ah Liam magic_ Harry sighed, _it always worked better on Niall then Harry magic did, he thought._

Meanwhile Niall did indeed feel relaxed. Maybe not the 'lay back in the recliner and take a nap' relaxed, but he was able to breath a little better. He knew that once he left prison he would have a place to go. He knew Liam didn't hate him.

However... that didn't stop him from hating himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!!! Next chapter skips ahead in time


	15. Home

**Six months later...**

"Ready to go?" The officer asked Niall as he walked in his holding cell.

"They're here?"

The officer nodded, "Waiting outside. They brought you some clothes to change into," He handed Niall a bag, "Once you're changed I'll walk you out."

"Okay,"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Five minutes later they were walking down a long hallway, "You know they nicknamed this hallway 'Hallway to Freedom'"

"Really?" Niall replied, "Whose they?"

"The men who have walked down it more then once,"

They reached the end of the hallway, but before opening the door, the officer stopped, "This is your second chance. Don't screw it up... and don't ever let me see you again. Okay? My daughter would be disappointed"

Niall nodded, "Deal. Thank you,"

"You're welcome," The officer opened the door and Niall stepped outside.

Immediately he was engulfed by Louis in a hug while Zayn and Liam stood a little bit back with massive grins on their faces. 

After wrestling out of Louis grip Niall began to make his way over to Liam and Zayn, but Liam ran to meet him halfway. He immediately embraced him in a long, warm hug. It seemed to last forever but no-one cared.

Once Liam let go of him, it was Zayn's turn, "We missed you," he whispered as he hugged Niall.

"I missed you to,"

Liam, Louis and Zayn, were all elated to see Niall, but they were also concerned. When they had hugged him, they could feel every bone in Niall's body. His clothes that had once fit him perfectly, just hung off him. He didn't look the least bit healthy.

The whole ride to their house, Niall wanted one thing: To get out of the car. He felt like he was suffocating. The car seemed so small. Cars never seemed small before, he grew up riding in them. But now, it seemed so small, he hated it.

His claustrophobia had never been this bad before.

_'Why was the car suddenly so small?'_ Niall thought to himself _'Why is it bothering me? I've been in that car a thousand times'_

Finally they were there. What only took twenty minutes felt like hours to Niall. But now it was over and he could breath again.

"You excited?" Zayn asked as they walked up to their home.

Niall smiled, "Yeah. It'll be nice to sleep in my own bed,"

Louis wanted to tease Niall and say something to Niall like, _'was that all you missed?'_ But he felt it was the wrong time. Instead he said, "Looks like you'll have to move back to your bed, Liam."

Liam sent Louis a playful glare and wrapped an arm around Niall as Zayn opened the door.

They walked into the house, Niall being the last inside. He stopped just after walking in and just looked around. The place he had walked and ran through so many times, yet never really noticed, meant so much right now. He hadn't paid attention to how homely it felt. And the smell, it smelt so... clean. He hadn't even noticed how clean it smelt.

"All you're stuff is in your room," Liam began, "Your laptop, phone, clothes... everything,"

"Okay," Niall replied quietly

"I figured we'll go out for dinner tonight, as a celebration. I have to go out at around eight but if we go out at around six then everything should be fine,"

"We don't have to do that, Liam. I can just eat whatever,"

"Not much of anything here," Zayn chimed in. He was seated on the couch.

"He's right," Louis agreed, "Liam's been too lazy to go out and get more food,"

"I was gonna go tomorrow, and you could have gone and done it for once." Liam defended.

"Oh, Lili you know I couldn't do that," Louis replied in a sickly sweet voice. Fluttering his eyes, playing innocent in an over dramatic manner.

Liam rolled his eyes and turned back to Niall, "Do you not want to go out? We could order instead."

"It doesn't matter," Niall sighed, "Whatever's fine,"

"Alright, we'll go out then,"

"Niall was still standing by the door. He wasn't sure what to do.

"Are you okay?" Liam asked, narrowing his eyes slightly. He was leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Yeah, I'm fine... I think I'm gonna take a shower and lay down for a while,"

Liam smiled, "Okay,"

Niall went into his bedroom and got out a pair of pajamas, then went into the bathroom. He turned on the water and got undressed. He looked at his scrawny body in the mirror, tracing his fingers over his sunken in stomach. It looked as though he had been starved for months. Thankfully his face didn't look as bad as the rest of him. He could hide his boney body from the lads.

He got in the shower and let the warm water wash over him. For a moment he felt peaceful. He was alone in the shower... not surrounded by ten to twenty other men yelling at him, laughing at him, raping him.

Horrible memories flashed through Niall's mind. Lying on the shower floor. Being held down by men who were much bigger then him. __

_"Please! Please don't!"_

_Shrinking at the top of his lungs, "NO!"_

_"Stop! Stop it!"_

_"No, no, no, no-"_

"Niall? Niall?"

Niall was pulled out of his terrible memories by knocking on the bathroom door and Louis concerned voice.

Niall turned off the water, "Yeah?"

"Are you okay, Ni? It's been 25 minutes, you've nearly broken Zayn's longest shower record,"

_'25 minutes, it didn't feel that long,'_

"I'm fine... I'm getting out now,"

He dried off and headed for his room. He didn't even notice Liam and Zayn who were sitting at the kitchen table.

He stopped in the doorway when he saw Louis inside his room.

Louis looked over at him, "Hey, Ni. Just returning you're jersey, then I'll be out of you're way and you can lay down,"

"It's fine," Niall replied. He walked over to his bed before pulling back the covers.

"So, I guess you didn't turn into a prune?"

"What?" Niall asked confusion written on his face.

"You were in the shower for forever. I told Zayn you probably turned into a prune,"

Niall couldn't help but laugh, "You're weird,"

"Yeah, but I'm cool, so weird's cool... okay, I'm out. Nighty, night," Louis began to shut the door.

Suddenly Niall began to panic, "Wait!"

Louis opened the door back up, "What?"

"Don't... don't shut it. Just leave it halfway open,"

Louis nodded, "Okay," He did as Niall said. Even though he was slightly confused, he decided not to ask questions.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Louis, get Zayn and I'll get Ni," Liam said, "We leave for dinner in 20 minutes,"

"Sure,"

"Thank you,"

Liam walked into Niall's bedroom. He began to walk to Niall's bed but stopped when he noticed the bed wasn't where it used to be and was now pushed over.

_'Weird'_ Liam thought to himself,

Liam went over to the bed and placed his hand on Niall's shoulder, gently shaking him, "Ni. Niall, wake up,"

Niall didn't wake up but Liam could tell he wasn't sleeping soundly. Niall's closed eyes were quickly moving back and forward. And the hard, deep breaths Niall took let Liam know he was most likely having a nightmare.

Liam shook him a little harder, "Niall!" He said more loudly, "Come on, buddy. Wake up!"

Niall's eyes popped open and he gasped, "Stop it!" He screamed, jerking out of Liam's grip.

Liam took a step back in shock, "Woah! It's just me,"

Niall sat up, taking deep breaths, "I'm... I'm sorry I... I had a nightmare,"

"Yeah, I figured that... if you want to talk about it I'm willing to listen,"

"Thanks, why'd ya wake me?"

"You've been asleep for four hours, we leave for dinner in twenty minutes,"

Niall nodded, "Okay," He stood up and for a moment he was so dizzy he thought he'd have to hurry and sit back down, but the dizziness faded and he was able to remain standing. He noticed the still slightly shocked look on Liam's face, "I'm so sorry," he repeated as he walked to his dresser to get clothes.

"Don't worry about it, it's fine," Liam soothed, "You do realise you've moved your bed, right?"

"Oh, yeah... I," Niall looked at his bed, "I couldn't see outside my room rom where it was so I moved it. Sorry,"

Liam sighed inwardly, "You don't have apologise. It's your room not mine, you can do what you want,"

There was an awkward, short silence before Liam spoke again, "Well once your dressed we'll go. I'll be out there,"

Liam walked out and sat down next to Louis and Zayn.

"What did you do to Niall, Liam?" Zayn asked,

"Yeah, we could heard him yell 'stop it'!" Louis added

Liam looked at his two friends, "It was nothing, he just had a nightmare... that's all."

Zayn watched Liam place his head in his hands and sigh. He couldn't help but have a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and he knew Liam was the same.

_'Come on, it was just a nightmare. Everyone has nightmares. You're worried over nothing... but it's not nothing. It's more than just a nightmare... this is something worse... much worse.'_


	16. Just A Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis wakes up to Niall having a nightmare

Niall's first four nights back were anything but easy. He woke up with horrible nightmares every night. Sometimes, even after he was awake, he could feel the men holding him down. He could hear them laughing at him. He could see them. It would only last for a couple of seconds after he woke up. Just until he could remember where he was. Thankfully he hadn't woken up screaming... yet. Liam, Louis and Zayn were unaware of these nightmares, and he intended to keep it that way.

Harry felt less inclined to watch over Niall, he figured that it was time for Liam, Zayn and Louis to take the role. He was still worried over Niall, but there were still new powers he wanted to learn. He decided now would be a good time to learn one, he wanted to learn how to make himself visible to certain people. He was sick of having to wait to catch someone was asleep before he could communicate with them.

There was something else just as bad as the nightmares though... the elevator. Although he hadn't liked it before, it was only when it was too crowded. Now it was a 45 second torture ride every time he got on. His heart would start pounding when he got on it, and by the time he got to the doors his palms were sweating and he could barely breath. On the third day as him and the lads were heading back after another day of working on lyrics for the song the were doing for Harry. As Liam got on the elevator Niall used the excuse he had forgotten something in the room and told them he would meet them in the lobby. He used the stairs for the first 22 floors down, equaling 44 flights of stairs, then on the second floor he got on the elevator just so the lads wouldn't find out what he had done. This cut his ride down to only five seconds.

Cars and Taxis were tough to endure. He found he had to roll down the window every time he got into one. Right now he could get by with it, but soon it would start to get cold. No one wants the window down when it's -20° outside.

The worst part was he couldn't understand why he felt this way. He could understand the nightmares. He hated them, but he understood them. He didn't understand why he hated elevators and cars. It was a horrible feeling. Being afraid of something you thought nothing of. He thought everything would become progressively easier as each day passed, but it only got worse.

Liam had tried getting Niall to go to a few interviews, but he stopped when at every interview they brought Niall on there was always a snide comment somewhere that called Niall a killer. They were all relieved, since Niall was released the fans had become more violent and none of them wanted Niall to have any part of it.

So Niall stayed at home with one lad or the others went and did the interview together. 

Tonight Zayn and Liam's interview was going extra long due to a snide comment directed towards Niall was released from the interviewer. Both boys were livid and it had taken an hour to calm each of them down and another half hour to convince them to go near the interviewer again. Both would have liked to have just walked out, but as much as they hated it 'the show must go on' and the show was nowhere near over. They wouldn't be home until three.

Before, this would have been the perfect for Louis and Niall to stay up late, play video games, talk, eat whatever they wanted to, even set up a prank or two, while they waited for their band mates to return. But not anymore. Now they were just tired. They got into bed and quickly fell asleep.

_"Hold him down! Keep him quiet!"_

_"No!"_

_"Shut up!"_

_"I go first. You go after me,"_

_"Please! NO!"_

_"Hold his legs! I don't want him squirming,"_

_"Ah! Oh God! Stop! STOP"_

_"No, no"_

"Niall! Niall, wake up! Niall!" Louis grabbed Niall's shoulders and began shaking him, "Wake up! You're dreaming!"

"Stop it! You're hurting me! Stop!" Niall yelled still stuck in his nightmare.

"Niall, wake up, now! You're freakin me out! Wake up!"

"Stop!" Niall screamed one last time before his eyes popped open. His stomach churned violently. He quickly broke from Louis grasp and ran for the bathroom. He just made it to the bathroom before throwing up everything that was once in his stomach.

Louis stood in the bathroom doorway. He leaned up against the side of the doorway as he waited for Niall to finish.

Once Niall was done he flushed the toilet and leant back against the bathtub. That's when he noticed Louis standing there. "What?" He asked as Louis stood staring at him.

"What?" Louis repeated, "What the hell was that?" He asked as he pointed towards Niall's bedroom.

"Just a nightmare,"

"Just a nightmare?"

"Stop repeating me!"

Louis rolled his eyes, "That was not 'just a nightmare'. That was something more than 'just a nightmare',"

"Stop saying 'just a nightmare'. It's annoying,"

"Stop trying to ignore what I'm asking you!"

"What are you asking?"

"What the hell was that?" Louis repeated, his voice louder this time.

"It was... nothing. No big deal."

Niall stood up and began to wash his mouth out with mouth wash. Louis wouldn't leave. He wouldn't even take his eyes off Niall.

"Stop staring at me!" Niall yelled once he spat the mouth wash out.

"Stop lying to me! What happened to you in prison? I know they beat you up, but what else did they do?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. We were the best of friends. Tea parties every week," Niall tried to leave the bathroom but Louis blocked him.

"I'm serious, Niall,"

"Get out of my way!" Niall said angrily. His heart began racing and his palms started sweating.

"No! You think I don't see you wake up every night? You think I can't tell when you're just staring out your room. You barely eat. You barely sleep. You barely do anything anymore. What happened?"

Niall glared at Louis, "I said get out of my way. Now!"

Louis stared in Niall's eyes. There was something more than anger in them. It was fear. He was scared of Louis. He was afraid of him. Louis moved out of Niall's way and although the anger never disappeared from Niall's eyes, the fear did.

Why was Niall afraid of Louis not letting him out the bathroom? Didn't he know Louis would never hurt him? Maybe it wasn't Louis he was afraid of. Maybe he was afraid of... being trapped.

Louis sighed and headed back to his room, but not before taking a quick, worried glance through Niall's open door.

_What have they done to you Nialler? What happened in that prison? Is Zayn right? Did they rape you? Why can't you tell us Ni? We'd still love you. We're brothers and brothers stick together. I can't wait til Harry gets back, maybe he can help..._


	17. My Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember when Niall asked Dylan about why he was in prison...

The next few days went by without any major problems. Niall still had his nightmares, but he woke up each time without making a sound.

Niall didn't remain mad at Louis. He quickly got over it and even helped Louis prank Zayn one night.

Louis, Zayn and Liam, were dying for some answers. They wanted to be there for Niall. They wanted to help him, but how could they when no one would tell them what was wrong? Even though they wanted Niall to talk to them, they decided not to ask questions. When Niall was ready to talk, he'd talk, and they would be there to listen.

Harry was getting very agitated, as they days went by, he got more and more visions about Niall dying. He hadn't quite mastered his new power but he could do it although he never stayed visible for long. Harry wasn't excited anymore about his new ability. All he wanted was to join his band mates on earth and make sure they were alright.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was Saturday and Niall had gone with Liam to the store. They were on the fifth aisle when Niall heard a voice. He looked over quickly and didn't know the man who spoke... but his voice. It was so familiar. It sounded so much like... like the first man who attacked him in prison. He never found out what the mans name was, but the voice... he'd never forget that voice

 _'Its not him. It's not him. It's not him'_ Niall kept thinking over and over, trying to calm himself. His heart was racing and he began to have a panic attack, _'Stop it! Stop it! Get over it! You're acting crazy,'_ he thought as he looked at the ground.

"Niall!"

Niall's head popped up at the sound of Liam's voice, "Yeah?"

"You okay, mate?"

"Niall nodded, "Fine. Why?"

"I was talking to you and you weren't there,"

"Oh... sorry. I mustn't have been paying attention," Niall smiled, trying to hide his fear.

"It's okay. You sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure,"

Niall sighed inwardly, he was glad Liam had decided to leave it at that and not ask any more questions.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Louis sat down on the couch next to Zayn. He had challenged Zayn to a game of FIFA and he was determined to win. However all thoughts of FIFA were pushed from his mind when a familiar voice cried out, "Lou get your fat ass of me! I want to sit on the sofa not in it!"

Both Louis and Zayn leapt off the couch, as if it had burned them and stared, wide eyed at the flickering figure pulling himself out of the couch.

"You see him to right?" Zayn muttered to Louis, who nodded before throwing himself at the figure.

"Hazza! You're back!" He said cheerfully, and Zayn wondered if Louis had perhaps gone crazy. This was impossible! Harry was dead.

Harry grinned and wrapped his arms around Louis, "I missed you too Loubear,"

Louis pulled back a pouted at Harry, while Zayn watched in amazement.

"You said I had a fat ass!"

Harry laughed, "It was forcing me into the couch. I had to return the compliment somehow,"

"That's no excuse! But I'll let you off this time cause you came back,"

Zayn stood there not knowing what to do. Was he going crazy? It was obvious Louis was, but was he going crazy too?"

"Course I'd come back Lou. I still have a mission to complete and I would never leave without saying goodbye," Harry turned his head towards Zayn. "Zayn shut your mouth, you look like a fish,"

Zayn shut his mouth hurriedly and Louis laughed as he imagined Zayn as a fish.

"Zayn," Harry said moving away from Louis, "I know what your probably thinking, and you aren't going crazy. Lou already is but your aren't crazy.-" the rest of Harry's words were lost. Although Harry's mouth was moving, no one could hear what he was saying. 

As soon as he he lost his voice, Harry knew he wouldn't be able to keep up his visual appearance either. He had already lasted longer then he had before, so he wasn't really surprised and with one last flicker, he vanished.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

The moment they got home Niall went to his room. He felt like slamming the door shut, but he couldn't. He couldn't slam it shut because then he'd have to open it right back up again. He couldn't handle the door being closed... ever. He could barely handle the bathroom door being shut. And he never locked the bathroom door... never!

He lay on his bed and shut his eyes. They quickly re-opened. Sometimes that happened. He began to feel like he was trapped sometimes when his eyes closed. It didn't happen a lot, but when it did... it was scary.

He took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes again. He was asleep within minutes. This time he didn't dream about being raped by those men. This time it was a different memory. It was when him and Dylan talked about why they were in prison.

_"-Do you know what the funny thing is?" Dylan asked_

_"What?"_

_"The gun I had with me... I could have sold that for at least one hundred,"_

_They both lay in silence_

_"So what about you?" Dylan asked after a few minutes, "What's your story?"_

_"Uh... it's a long story"_

_"We haven't got anything but time,"_

_Niall sighed, "... My band mates Liam, Louis and Zayn wanted to go shopping. I was going to go with them, but my other band mate Harry didn't want to go. He convinced Liam to let us drop him, Zayn and Louis off and let us take the car. After driving round, Harry found a girl he liked and he started to flirt with her, leaving me with nothing to do. Then Louis called, he had ditched Liam and Zayn and gone to a party, he wanted me to pick him up. I didn't want to go... but I did. I got to the party and everyone was drinking heavily. I didn't want to drink-"_

_"Let me guess," Dylan interrupted, "You gave in, totalled the car, and that's how your mate died?"_

_"That's the way I told it to my attorney,"_

_"It's not the truth?"_

_"The car was totalled, and... and Harry died. But, I didn't give in," Niall paused for a moment before continuing, "Louis drank that night... He drank quite a bit. I went and told him it was time to go. I told it was time to pick up Liam, Harry and Zayn. When I got the keys out of my pocket to unlock the car, Louis took them off me. He grabbed them and pushed me to the ground. I tried to take the keys away from him, but I couldn't. Louis has always been stronger then me. Slightly drunk Louis is even stronger. He didn't seem that bad off though. He got to the cafe where Harry was just fine. I was sitting in the backseat cause Harry always likes riding shotgun. He got in and we started driving off... Liam and Zayn had gone back with their girlfriends so they didn't come. Anyway, Harry smelt the beer on Louis. I told him Louis had been drinking. Harry tried to get Louis to pull over, but he wouldn't. Harry threatened to jump out the car. I guess Louis just couldn't concentrate because he swerved and the next thing I knew I was opening my eyes and Louis was lying in the back seat. Somehow during the crash he got thrown backwards. I moved up to the front seat to check on Harry. He was... he was already gone. I was freaking out. It was all my fault. All of it."_

_"Wait a minute," Dylan said, "You weren't driving? You shouldn't be here, kid"_

_"Yes, I should. Louis was drunk, he wasn't thinking clearly. I wasn't drunk. I could have stopped him. I could have done something. I could have not gotten the car. I could have stopped Harry getting in, but I didn't... when the police came I told them I was driving. They didn't do a breathalyser test cause I told them I had been drinking. I didn't know if Louis was going to live or die and I hoped that, if he did, he wouldn't remember what happened. Today I found out that he didn't remember... it's my fault that it happened. It's my fault Harry's dead. I deserve to be here!"_  
  
Niall woke up and looked at the clock. It was six p.m. He lay there thinking about his dream for a few minutes, then, to get his mind off of things, decided to go take a shower.

He turned on the water, but before getting undressed he closed the toilet lid and sat down. He put his head in his hands as he slouched over. Instead of getting his mind off of things, his mind began to create problems.

_I can barely sleep. I can barely eat. I feel like hell. I want to cry... I can't cry. No. Crying is bad!... I'm so sick of always being scared. I'm scared of closing my eyes. I'm scared of leaving the house, I'm sacred of coming back. I'm scared of being in a car, I'm scared of being in an elevator, Im scared of closing my eyes, I'm scared of people's voices, I'm scared of people. The memories I have of showers make me scared of showers, I'm scared of having the bathroom door locked. I'm scared of having the bedroom door closed. I'm scared of being trapped... I'm to scared to live._


	18. Full circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall tries to face his fears

**For day by day it's power grows,  
And when at last it's face it shows,  
The past and present tales will meet-  
The evil circle is complete...  
~Emily Rodda (Somehow felt it kinda fits the chapter)**

Niall lay wide awake in his bed. It seemed it was becoming more and more difficult to close his eyes as the days passed. Sometimes, as he lay there, he wished he was back in prison. He hated that he thought that way, but at least in prison he slept. At least in prison there was a good excuse for each fear he had... although it seems that he feared more now then when he was in prison.

Niall slowly got out of bed and snuck out of his room. He walked past Zayn, who was sleeping soundly on the couch, grabbed his key for the house off the kitchen bench, and left.

He caught a Taxi to the studio and let himself in. He walked straight to the elevator and pressed the 'up' button. A few seconds later the elevator dinged and the doors slid open. He stared into the small room _'Do it! Come on! Just get on. Don't be such a baby!'_ He walked to the elevator and pushed a button. He wasn't even sure what floor he pushed. He held tightly to the side rails. He began having a panic attack the second the doors started closing. By the time he had gone up two floors he was breathing so hard he was almost hyperventilating. He quickly pushed the 'doors open' button and exited the elevator.

He walked down the hall to the stairway. Once he got there he seemed to have no energy left. He sunk down into a corner, brought his knees to his chest, and began rocking back and forth. He wanted to scream, he wanted to release all the pain he felt... but he couldn't.

"You don't cry in prison," he began whispering to himself as he rocked, "you don't cry in prison. You don't cry in prison,"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry had been practicing becoming visible when Niall left the house. Curiously he followed him to the studio. He watched silently as Niall entered the elevator and slipped in after him. 

When Niall began to have a panic attack, Harry didn't know what to do. He couldn't appear or speak to Niall incase it made it worse, but he couldn't just watch his friend suffer either. He wrapped his arms around Niall as an attempt at comfort. As Niall began to panic and panic more, Harry began to panic too. He was out of his depth and he didn't know what he could do.

By the time Niall got out, Harry was on the verge of having a panic attack of his own. Taking a few deep breaths to calm himself, Harry followed Niall to the staircase. And when Niall started rocking, Harry couldn't help it. He started crying.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Niall wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there, curled up and talking to himself. But when he heard footsteps approaching, he knew he had to get up and leave. He stood up slowly, his body still very weak. He held onto the stair railing as he made his way back down to the first floor.

When he got back home he was glad to see Zayn still fast asleep. He looked over at the clock and saw it was six am. He went back to his room and lay down.

"Where were you?" An angry Liam whispered as he walked into the room.

Niall was startled by him, "I... I couldn't sleep. I just walked around for a while. Where were you?"

"I was looking for you! I just got back about a minute ago. I went to see if you were in the bathroom before coming back here."

"Well, I'm fine. Go back to bed!"

"You were gone for four hours! I thought something bad had happened to you." Liam took a deep breath, he couldn't let his fear make him angry and hurt Niall. "Listen to me, Ni, you are anything but fine. You haven't been fine since you got out of prison... I'm worried Ni, we're all worried. Would you just talk to me? I want to help!"

"I don't need any help!" Niall exclaimed in a whisper.

"Liar!"

"Shut up!"

"Fine! Don't let me help! Kill yourself for all I care!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

For the next three days Niall seemed to happier then ever. He acted as though he had completely forgotten about the argument him and Liam had. He pulled pranks with Louis, played FIFA with Zayn, hung out with Liam, finished the song they wrote for Harry, and slept soundly each night. His fears seemingly vanished.

Liam thought maybe the argument had helped him in some weird way. He wasn't sure. It seemed to good to be true...

Harry knew better. He was fearful and tried to tell the lads. They wouldn't listen. Niall was fine... or at least that's what they told themselves.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I'm going to take a shower," Niall said as he excused himself from the game he had finished playing a game with Zayn. Zayn couldn't believe Niall had wanted to play. He had never liked the game before, but, they had had a lot of fun. For once, they both seemed happy and content.

Before going into the bathroom, Niall wrapped Liam, Zayn and in a hug (Louis was at Eleanor's).

"What's that for?" Liam asked in surprise.

"I love you,"

"We love you too,"

He went into the bathroom and took a quick shower.

Once he got out he put on a comfortable pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt.

He left the water running in the shower, he didn't want to be disturbed.

He had hidden a razor in his jeans pocket and laid it on the counter when he got into the bathroom. He picked it up and held it in his hand as he stared at it, _'Do I want to do it?'_ He thought, _'... I'm not sure... Will I feel better after I do it? Most definitely.'_

He sat down on the bathroom floor and placed the razor against his left wrist. He began to slide the razor across, slicing his skin. There's no turning back now.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

He watched as the blood feel to the floor and suddenly nothing mattered. He felt a slight sting from where the razor had sliced his wrist, but that was no big deal.

No, all the anger and stress he had been feeling seemed to just disappear. He began to feel... free.

He took the razor and placed it against his other wrist. One small slice and now the blood is dripping from both wrists.

He leaned back against the bathroom wall as he sat on the cold, tile floor.

Blood. There was so much blood around him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry watches, helpless as the scene he's been trying to avoid begins to play. The flashes he had been seeing were coming together in one sickening story.

He could see, feel, hear every thought, movement, emotion.

He had an idea of how it would end and all he could do was pray, that they were not to late.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Is Niall still in the shower?" Liam asked

"Yeah, it's been a while," Zayn replied, "I guess he just wants to get extra clean,"

Suddenly something he had said to Niall just a few days before popped onto his head, _'Kill yourself for all I care,'_ then everything clicked. He had been so happy after that night. He'd been so different.

"Oh my God! What if he's been hurt?"

Zayn gave Liam a funny look, "In a shower?"

"Yeah,"

"If your so worried about him, why don't you go check up on him?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Niall became to get lightheaded and his vision became blurred. He wasn't sure how long he had been in the bathroom by that point, but he knew it had been a while.

As his vision completely faded he wondered if this was the end for him. If it was, he didn't care. _'Its better this way'_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry was freaking out, his visions were becoming a reality and he didn't know what to do. _'Please get here soon'_ he prayed as he held Niall, ghost tears streaming down his face.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Liam ran to the bathroom door and started banging on it. When he got no response he started screaming Niall's name.

He didn't register the tears on his face.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He can barely hear a knock on the door. Then the knocking becomes louder and louder. He thinks he can hear someone calling his name but he doesn't have the strength to respond.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry feels his heart lift as he hears Liam calling Niall's name desperately, but it sinks as he looks at his blonde friend. He can see the life slowly leaving him and it scares Harry. He doesn't want Niall to die. It means he's failed. Himself. His friends. Niall's family and most importantly, Niall.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Liam feels himself being pulled back, once Zayn let's go of him, he sinks to the ground and kept crying.

Zayn used all his strength to break open the bathroom door, "Niall!" He screamed when he saw all of the blood.

He pulled two towels off the towel rack and pushed them against Niall's wrists.

"Liam!" Zayn screamed hysterically, "Call 999! Niall's not breathing!"


	19. Promise Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of My Fault

Louis, Zayn and Liam sat in a hospitable room. None of them spoke. None of them took their eyes off Niall.

He lay their, perfectly still. He looked as though he was just sleeping... but he wasn't. He was in a coma. There was an IV in his left arm, keeping him hydrated. In his right arm he was being given a blood transfusion.

The doctor told them with how weak Niall's body already was, plus the blood loss, there was no way to know if he'd make it or not. Only time would tell.

Liam had practically become a mute since the night him and Zayn had found Niall. He would only speak if Zayn or Louis asked him a direct question, and even then, his answers were short and to the point.

Out of all of them Louis was taking it the best. He wished he hadn't answered the phone call from Zayn. It sounded selfish, but he could be with Eleanor and everything would be okay. Niall would still be okay, at least in his world. Despite that, though, he was the most normal out of the three.

Zayn learned to hate the word why. His mind was overloaded with questions like _'Why would Niall do this? Why did this happen? Why us? Why did Harry have to die? Why did the car crash?'_ He was also worried about Liam, he ate little, slept less and barely spoke. Since Niall had been admitted to hospital, Zayn had seen Liam smile (Zayn reminded himself to thank Louis for it later) only a couple times and even then they were few and far between.

Harry, for once, didn't know what was going to happen and just like the rest of his friends he hovered around Niall's bed whenever he could. After Niall was admitted to hospital, Harry had gone to meet with the Saints, who had told him had had done a good job, especially for someone who was still learning the ropes. They told him they had given him this mission too soon and he had done remarkably well. Harry wasn't so convinced. If he had done so well, why did he feel like he'd failed.

Liam was, undoubtedly, taking it the worse. He blamed himself, the words repeating through his mind _'Kill yourself for all I care'_ over and over until he wanted to rip his head apart and cry. His emotions were all over the place. One minute he'd be sad. Then he'd be angry and betrayed. Afterwards, a cloud of guilt would settle over him. And lastly, he'd feel useless and scared.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Zayn waited two weeks for answers. He couldn't wait any longer. He remembered how Niall used to talk about his cellmate when Zayn would visit him in prison. It seemed as though Dylan was the only person Niall could trust in there. Zayn figured that maybe Niall talked to him, or maybe Dylan just knew something. He knew it was a long shot, but it was worth a try.

He talked to Louis and Liam, he knew it would be unfair on them if he didn't give them a choice to come with him or not. Louis was all for it, but Liam was reluctant to leave Niall alone. Harry heard this and appeared "Go with them, Liam. If I think Niall will wake up I'll teleport and tell you. It'll be quicker then a phone call," Liam thought for a moment then nodded, indicating he'd see Dylan too.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Who are you here to see?" a female officer asker Zayn at the front desk.

"Dylan..." it was at that moment that They realised none of them knew what Dylan's last name was, "Uh... we don't know his last name, but he shared a cell with our brother, Niall Horan. Can you look that up?"

"I'm sorry. I can't let you in to see him if you don't know him. Only family is allowed to visit here,"

"Ma'am, we really need to see them... please,"

"I'm sorry... you can't,"

Louis huffed and pushed Zayn away, "Look, lady. Give us five minutes. We just need to ask him something. Him and our brother shared a cell for over a year and our brother committed suicide and ever since he's came back from prison he's been different and we need to know if that Dylan guy knows something," Louis was talking really fast and he wasn't taking a break I between sentences. All his words just ran together. "We just need some answers, it won't take long-"

"Honey, honey," the officer interrupted, "Take a breath, okay? I'll look him up and I'll give you five minutes... but that's all,"

"Thank you," Louis, Zayn and Liam said together

"Your welcome,"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dylan froze when he got to the table. He stared at the three boys for a moment, "Who are you?"

"We're Niall's mates," Zayn replied, "You Dylan?"

Dylan nodded and sat down, "That's me, what are ya doin' here?"

"Niall..." Zayn started, but couldn't continue. So Louis spoke instead, "Niall tried to kill himself two weeks ago. He's still in a coma and they don't know if he'll make it,"

"Oh... I'm sorry,"

"Yeah," Zayn took a deep breath, "Listen, we only have a few minutes but Niall talked about you in every once in a while, and it seemed like you're the only person he talked to while he was in prison... Do you care if we ask you something?"

Dylan could see the desperation in all their eyes, "Go ahead. I'm not sure if I'll be able to answer it though,"

"That's okay. Did... did something happen to him here?"

Dylan sighed. How was he supposed to answer that?

Liam could sense the hesitation.

"He... he was raped? Wasn't he?" He blurted out before he could stop himself.

Dylan remained silent for a moment before replying, "Yeah. Yeah, he was,"

Zayn immediately felt nauseous. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Louis going green, he was worried for a second that Louis was going to throw up. Liam was sobbing quietly to himself. "How... how bad?"

"He was in the hospital a few times. I know of at least four men... maybe more then that though,"

Louis couldn't believe what he was hearing, "How come we were never told?" The question wasn't directed at Dylan, it was just Louis thinking. But Dylan knew the answer, so he replied.

"He didn't want you guys to know. Not you, not his mum"

Silence filled the room, no one knew what to say.

"I have one more question," Louis said

"Shoot,"

"Did... did Niall ever talk about why he was here? About the car accident?"

Dylan didn't know what to say. If he told them the truth about what happened, it could destroy them. They already seemed pretty destroyed, "No," he replied, "Niall never talked about it."

Louis leaned back, disappointed, "Okay,"

The door opened and Harry came through, "Lads! He going to wake up soon. If you leave now you'll be able to catch him as he wakes up,"

They all jumped up excitedly, "Thanks Harry!" Louis exclaimed as they rushed out of the room.

Dylan recoiled back in shock, "Harry? As in the Harry that died in the crash?" He asked Harry.

Liam heard and paused at the door, _'How does he know this if Niall didn't talk about the accident?'_ He wondered

Harry grinned, "That's me! And thank you for all you've done for our Nialler. I was watching, who knows what would've happened if he didn't have a friend in this awful place,"

Dylan blinked, "Niall said you died in the crash,"

"I did, What your seeing is a ghost," Harry vanished, chuckling at Dylan's face.

Liam who had been watching with interest, walked back into the room.

"I thought Niall didn't talk to you about the crash?"

"He didn't,"

"How come you knew about Harry?"

"Lucky intuition... I guess?"

"Your lying,"

"He was talking in his sleep, I put two and two together,"

Liam couldn't tell if he was lying or not,

"Thank you,"

"Your welcome, mate. I hope Niall makes it,"

"Thanks, me too."

The guard walked Liam to the door, "Thank you for the five minutes,"

"Anytime,"

As Liam headed to the cab his phone began to ring, "Hello?"

"Liam get your ass to the hospital now!" Louis shouted down the line

"What's happening?"

"Harry was right! He's waking up!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dylan lay on his bed staring at the ceiling, his mind on the visit from Niall's friends. He didn't know what to make of it. They cared deeply about Niall, he knew that, it was obvious.

What bothered him is the Harry kid, the other three guys acted as if they saw him everyday. Like he wasn't dead at all. He would have thought Harry was alive, except he vanished. Normal people couldn't do that.

He sighed, maybe he was going crazy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Liam made it to the hospital in record time.

When he got there he hear Niall screaming, "Why didn't you let die!" Liam slowly stepped into the room. Zayn and Louis were in the back of the room, tears were falling down their faces and Louis face was so pale that Liam was worried that he might faint. He thought he saw Harry, but he couldn't be sure. A nurse was about to inject a sedative into Niall's IV, and the doctor was trying to calm him down.

"I was supposed to die! I was supposed to die!"

The sedative slowly worked itself into Niall's system. "I was supposed to die! I was suppos-" his words started to slur and his eyes began to droop, and soon he was completely out it.

"What happened?" Liam asked, still shocked from the way Niall was acting.

"He... he woke up and when he realised where he was... he started screaming," Zayn said.

"I know the reaction was a surprise to all of you," the doctor began, "But it really is normal. He should be calmer next time he wakes up. I'll be back in an hour to check up on him,"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Niall was calmer the next time he woke up. He didn't scream, but he was still very angry. Once he was well enough he was taken to a different part of the hospital and placed under a 72 hour suicide watch.

They took turns staying with Niall.

Whenever Zayn was with Niall he tried to get him to talk, but he would just stare straight ahead. Louis avoided the subject, he talked about anything and everything else. Liam stayed with Niall the most. He didn't try and talk, and Niall just stared.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was finally time for them to go home. Niall just had to be dressed then they could leave. The doctor was going over some things with Liam.

Zayn went into Niall's hospital room. He stood in the doorway, just watching him. Niall was sitting on his bed, looking out the window.

"You think playing games with me is a good way to say goodbye?" Zayn asked. Right now the emotion he was feeling was anger. It seemed he had felt that way since Niall had committed. He had been bottling it up and now that the bottle had been opened, it wasn't going to shut until it was empty.

Niall didn't reply.

"What? Are you deaf? You really think that once you died I'd say 'oh at least we got to play a game together before he decided to slice himself up!"

Again, Niall was silent.

Zayn walked up to Niall, blocking his view of the window, "Do you know that I was the one who found you? That I found you lying there, covered in your own blood, not breathing... speak! Niall!"

"What do you want me to say?" He asked slowly. By now, Liam and Louis had entered the room.

Liam walked forwards and spoke before Zayn could.

"Was it my fault? Was it because I told you I wouldn't care if you killed yourself?" Liam ignored the gasps from Zayn and Louis and the glares they sent his way, "Did you think I meant it? I didn't I was just angry cause you were hurting and there was nothing I could do to help you. I never wanted you to kill yourself!"

"I know," Niall looked in Liam's eyes, "I know you didn't mean it. It's not your fault,"

"Then why? Why would you think that was the thing to do? Why commit suicide?" Louis had joined in now, he wasn't as angry Liam and Zayn. He just wanted answers.

"I'm tired,"

Zayn sighed, "So are we, but we don't want to die,"

"But I do,"

They all flinched as if they had been struck

"Why?"

Tears filled Niall's eyes, _'You don't cry in prison.'_ He forced the tears to go away. "I'm tired of being afraid of everything. I'm tired of being trapped. I'm tired of being alone,"

Liam and Zayn sat on either side of Niall while Louis crouched in front of him, "But your not trapped, Niall. And your definitely not alone. I'm here for you, Louis here for you, Liam's here for you. If you'll just talk to us, maybe we could help you,"

Niall shook his head, "No. No one can help me. No one understands,"

Louis wasn't sure if it was a bad time to bring it up, but he did anyway, "We talked to Dylan,"

"What?" Niall asked

"We went to the prison and talked to Dylan. That's where Liam was when you woke up,"

"Why... why would you do that?"

"Because, we needed to. We needed answers... he... he told us... " Liam broke down in tears, unable to continue.

"Told you what?"

"What Liam's trying to say," Zayn continued, "Is Dylan told us that you were... raped,"

Niall immediately put his head in his hands and began to rock back and forth, "No, no, no, no, no-"

"Niall, it's okay. It's not your fault,"

"No, no, n-"

"Niall! Niall listen to me," Louis said, pulling Niall's face out of his hands.

Niall stopped talking and rocking, but he refused to make eye contact.

"Your right. None of us can understand what you went through, but e can help you though it. You can go to counseling for it, too. There are so many options, but taking your life isn't one of them,"

Niall lifted his head, but he wouldn't look at them. He stared out the window. A tear escaped his eye and he quickly wiped it away, "I'm sorry," he said

Liam's heart felt like it was breaking, "Its okay to cry,"

"You don't cry in prison," Niall mumbled

"What?" Zayn, Louis and Liam asked

"You don't cry in prison," he repeated

"Niall," Liam said, "Your not in prison anymore,"

"You don't cry in prison, you don't cry in prison, you don't cry in pr-"

"Hey!" Zayn said loudly to pull Niall out of his trance, "You are not in prison,"

Niall looked at him, tears filled his eyes and his lip was trembling, "I still... feel like... I am,"

Liam put an arm around Niall, "But your not, your free. You've been given the chance to start over... Listen, you don't have to think about everything today. We haven't told your mum about what we know. If you want her to know, well that's your decision. Don't worry about counselling or anything like that. If you... if you just promise one thing"

"What?"

"That you will try to live,"

Niall looked him slightly confused.

"Just take it one day at a time," Liam continued, "and if you ever feel like your at the end of your rope, you'll talk to me, or Zayn, or Louis, or Harry. Even some homeless guy on the stranger. I don't care, just promise me you'll try,"

"Harry?"

"We'll explain that later, just... please, promise you'll try,"

Niall finally let the tears fall freely from his eyes, "I... I'm scared," he said through shallow breaths.

Liam pulled him into a hug, "I know you are. I am too. But, will you please try?"

"O... okay,"

"Promise me, Niall!" Liam pulled back but still held Niall by the shoulders, so he could still look at him. Zayn and Louis watched silent. "I can promise you that we will help you every step of the way, but you have to promise us you'll let us. And that we'll get through this together. But only say it if you really mean it. Only if you'll really let us help you and you won't give up,"

Niall took a deep breath as the tears continued to fall, "I... I promise,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thats it :) but not really cause there's a sequel.


End file.
